Diary of a Crazy White Woman

be encouraged, believer!

2012-01-12T09:04:00.000-08:00

i read the following this morning from "morning and evening" by charles spurgeon. i added any emphasis. i hope it encourages and strengthens you today as much as it did me!

"You are Christ's."—1 Corinthians 3:23

"You are Christ's." You are His by donation, for the Father gave you to the Son; His by His bloody purchase, for He counted down the price for your redemption; His by dedication, for you have consecrated yourself to Him; His by relation, for you are named by his name, and made one of His brethren and joint-heirs. Labor practically to show the world that you are the servant, the friend, the bride of Jesus. When tempted to sin, reply, "I cannot do this great wickedness, for I am Christ's." Immortal principles forbid the friend of Christ to sin. When wealth is before you to be won by sin, say that you are Christ's, and touch it not. Are you exposed to difficulties and dangers? Stand fast in the evil day, remembering that you are Christ's. Are you placed where others are sitting down idly, doing nothing? Rise to the work with all your powers; and when the sweat stands upon your brow, and you are tempted to loiter, cry, "No, I cannot stop, for I am Christ's. If I were not purchased by blood, I might be like Issachar, crouching between two burdens; but I am Christ's, and cannot loiter." When the siren song of pleasure would tempt you from the path of right, reply, "Your music cannot charm me; I am Christ's." When the cause of God invites you, give your goods and yourself away, for you are Christ's. Never contradict your profession. Be ever one of those whose manners are Christian, whose speech is like the Jesus, whose conduct and conversation are so redolent of heaven, that all who see you may know that you are the Savior's, recognizing in you His features of love and His countenance of holiness. "I am a Roman!" was of old a reason for integrity; far more, then, let it be your argument for holiness, "I am Christ's!"

a paleo new year

2012-01-07T23:20:00.000-08:00

no, i'm not going to do be doing the paleo diet, but you're supposed to eat raw food. and this post is kinda raw. i really want to write a cute, fancy blog post about the year in review and the coming year. when that will happen, i know not.

what i do know is that i have a lot of raw thoughts that i need to get out. so here we go.

when i think of the last year, i think too much of the waste the happened. consumed by lack of weight loss and heart break, a new job and a new living situation, i missed out on so much. not necessarily experiences with people; i had a lot of good times. but i missed out on a lot of sweet time with Jesus. i regret that. i regret letting circumstances cloud my view of the Perfect, most all-satisfying One.

i wish i could say that this year will be different. i pray that it is. i pray that the resolve i feel now will bleed into the coming year, the days and hours that are to come. but i just don't know. this type A personality i possess longs for things to go the way i plan, but i know they won't because the Lord doesn't work like that.

so instead of making lofty goals and big strides for things i want to accomplish this coming year, i'm just gonna strive for one thing: to see and experience Him. i want sitting at the feet of Jesus to be my priority again. i want to be consumed with joy and love for Him. i want these things selfishly, because it feels good. it feels right. but also because i know i am useless for His kingdom if unity with Him does not exist.

i enter this year with more burdens then i can remember from previous years, but i also enter it with an expectant hope, knowing that He who called us is faithful.

Trust in the LORD, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
and your justice as the noonday.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!

psalm 37:2-7

happy new year?

2011-12-30T09:01:00.000-08:00

wait, it's almost a new year?!

i'm in the middle of my two busiest weeks of the year thus far.

busy times means lack of sleep.

and lack of sleep means blogging is on the back burner.

without the heat on.

many apologies to my (maybe) five blog readers.

sorry to the 200+ unread blog posts.

maybe i'll have better luck in 2012.

christmas encouragement

2011-12-17T09:28:00.000-08:00

my friend suggested i read a book during the advent season. it's called, come, thou long expected Jesus. it's been good to be reminded daily about what makes christmas so important. the following was from earlier this month and written by martyn lloyd-jones (emphasis added):

"What God did when he sent his Son into the world is an absolute guarantee that he will do everything he has ever promised to do. Look at it in a personal sense: 'All things work together for good to them that love God'-that is a promise-'to them who are called according to his purpose' (Rom. 8:28, KJV). 'But how can I know that is true for me?' asks someone. The answer is the incarnation. God has given the final proof that all his promises are sure, that he is faithful to everything he has ever said. So that promise is sure for you. Whatever your state or condition may be, whatever may happen to you, he has said, 'I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee' (Heb. 13:5, KJV)-and he will not. He has said so, and we have absolute proof that he fulfills his promises. He does not always do it immediately in the way that we think. No, no! But he does it! And he will never fail to do it."

re-focus

2011-12-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

the things i've found hard about living back at home have not been what i've expected. at all. ever. materialism, complacency, apathy, and lack of focus. i am grateful that the Lord has me reading 1 John right now and the following passage specifically.

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."

1 John 2:15-17

during this season when materialism is on display instead of Christ, i want to fight to do His will, to fight to abide in Christ. may His glory be known through such a fight.

world AIDS day

2011-12-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

today is world AIDS day.

for 16 years we have remembered this day.

and still, i cannot find a prayer guide to share with you.

this is tragic.

so please forgive the rough outline of things to pray for below,

but please, pray with me today.

don't do it simply for emotions sake,

but pray because God is calling people to Himself through this

and because Christ is able to restore both the body and the soul.

pray for those who battle for their lives:

whether they take a strict regimen of medications and have countless doctors appointments, thus altering the normalcy that their life once held.

or whether they have no access to medication, faced with the reality that the diagnosis of AIDS is a physical death sentence and, in many cases, a social death sentence as well.

or whether they live undiagnosed, unaware of the virus reeking havoc within themselves.

or whether life seems normal, with seemingly no battle at all.

for more information about AIDS and its worldwide impact,

kay warren is a good resource. also, check out this site for facts and other info.

christmas music

2011-11-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

i'm pretty cynical when it comes to christmas music

(total surprise, huh?)

but i am grateful for bands like this that take something

that has become so routine and have made it unique.

truly He taught us to love one another

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother.

and in His name all oppression shall cease.

sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

let all within us praise His holy name!

the basket

2011-11-15T18:14:00.000-08:00

matthew 5:14-16

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

i read this while i was with the church on sunday.

the pastor wasn't preaching through this section,

but the Spirit brought it to my attention.

instant conviction.

i have allowed the light of the Lord that dwells in me

to be put under a basket.

the worst part:

i put the basket there myself.

the hard part:

how do i get the basket off?

Lord, by your pefect grace and power, help me take the basket off this light.

musings

2011-11-10T07:41:00.000-08:00

i haven't really felt like blogging lately. there are just so many thoughts in my head that i don't know what to do with them all. last night, i was wide awake in bed, even though i hadn't slept in almost 30 hours. my mind just would not stop. so here are a few things that've been going through my head lately.

i really like being a nurse. despite my inadequacies and occasional coworker drama, the Lord affirms over and over again that He has made me for this task. i am overwhelmed when i think how perfect His plan is!

half a serving of multi-grain cheerios, half a serving of raisin bran, and a half cup of milk. breakfast of champions

i have a hard time accepting that friendship have to change. it takes me a long time to see that they are different (and experience the full gamut of emotions in the process). but i find hope that in the midst of changes, Father is my constant.

i've finally accepted it's close to winter. scarfs and my northface are becoming common place in my wardrobe. i'm just not ready for christmas. i want to savor thanksgiving, remembering it's a time set aside to praise and thank God. what a blessing that we have a holiday set aside for that!

i found out another friend will be moving overseas after the first of the year. i know that the Lord has clearly told me to wait, but my anxious and overly-eager heart wants to go more and more acutely.

jergens natural glow lotion. 'nough said.

i really want to adopt. lately, the Lord has been putting stories of orphans and orphanages in my path. i just can't get it out of my head.

i am getting busy again. i've been over-booking my life, not allowing for set aside time to savor the Lord and His goodness. this is an issue. pray is appreciated in fixing that.

i think that's really it, more or less, at least. this weekend i head down to socal for the second time this month to celebrate with my beautiful friend and sister as she weds an amazing man of God. i love being able to celebrate this special time with my friends!

thanks for reading these simple musings.

jams

2011-11-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

i recently acquired some new tune-age.

among this list of songs was hillsong's "sing to the Lord."

honestly, it's great.

enjoy!

real life: part 1B

2011-10-29T07:32:00.000-07:00

yes, i'm still struggling with stuff. mere things that are guaranteed to burn when this life is over.

but i find comfort in this song as of late.

be encouraged by its cry

(as always, forgive the cheesy video)

real life: part one

2011-10-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

prelude:

sometimes i use my blog for serious things and other times just to be ridiculous. but i'm starting a simple "real life" series because real life has been catching up with me. the more i seek the Lord and sit at His feet, the more He brings to light dark areas of my life. although this blog is fairly public (even with its mere five readers) i need to process all that's going on as the Lord does these things. i won't put too much raw process up here, knowing that i need to process and seek the Lord first. but i also want to share what He teaches me, knowing that i'm not the only person who "struggles" with these things.

* * *

i'm a big fan of david platt because he preaches and lives out truth. i don't think he is perfect nor do i mean to ever put him on a pedestal. i've been listening to his sermon series on 1 Timothy and the last one i listened to was called "the Gospel and materialism, part 1." i thought, "hey, it will be a good reminder." i listened. i heard.

i would encourage all believers to listen to this two-part sermon on the gospel and materialism. i'm not accusing others of living in that realm, but materialism so cripples the Gospel, that i must share this with you, brother or sister.

First Timothy: The Household of God

i am guilty of living in materialism. i make more of things than i do of God. this is a sin. i have repented and i ask your forgiveness if this materialistic attitude has caused you to stumble. i know i will be tempted to fall back into this realm daily, so i ask your help. ask me where my heart and desires have been of late and don't let me get away with anything but the truth. pray for me and others, that mere things would not veil the glories of Christ, and that we would feast on the goodness of Christ and be content in all He is. thank you in advance.

"Godliness with contentment is gain." -david platt

You are faithful

2011-10-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

i know i've blogged this song before.

but i don't care.

this song reminds me of the promise of God

to never leave or forsake His children,

to never leave me.

even though circumstances change,

friendships change,

expectations change,

my God remains faithful.

be reminded and encouraged in His faithfulness today!

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

update three

2011-10-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

even though i'm back in the states, there are a few more days that i wanted to let you know about.

monday, we went back to the "low-income" village and we did some basic health teaching. i was glad to see some familiar faces, but sad when we left, realizing i will probably never see them again. pray that this community would come face to face with their sin in light of the cross, and the kindness of the Lord would lead them to repentance. that night, my friends hosted a worship night at their house. even though i could only make out minimal bahasa (despite the excellent pre-translation), worshipping the Lord Jesus with fellow, like-minded believers in something words cannot describe. i am grateful.

tuesday, we went out to my friend's language teacher's house in hopes of discussing the Scripture with her. my friend was able to share some truth with her, even though the conversation was a bit scattered. then we went to lunch with some english students. it was interesting, to say the least. that afternoon i had the honor of teaching and interacting with nursing students. i was the only bule in site, but i was honored and blessed by the opportunity (more stories to come). that night, my friends and i went for a very tasty dinner and i had my first seafood in the country. once again, interesting.

wednesday was my last day and i was trying not to cry most of the day. after a no-agenda kind of morning, we went to the market. open markets are one of my favorite things about living overseas. (more stories to come). this also started the "eat all the fruit that isn't in america" extravaganza. please believe, it was a lot of fruit. we met up with another friend for lunch, resulting in my second favorite meal while i was there. for reals, i wish i could consume that a weekly. my friend taught that afternoon, so we went to he job and enjoyed some laughter. that night, one of my batak sisters made us chicken-goodness and i said a few goodbyes. that night, i was able to surprise my giants-loving friend with some giants love (since she's missed the last 2 seasons). my friends joined me in my room as i packed and we sang along to the wicked soundtrack.

on thursday, i tried the remainder of the fruit i hadn't tried yet, made one last stop at the ATM and then the taxi ride to the airport happened. i regret not engaging my friend more in our last half hour or so together, but tears were not being held back well. saying goodbye at the airport was bittersweet; i loved seeing my dear friend and living life with her again, but the Lord had used this time to re-ignite purpose and burdens in my life and i knew i had to go back.

i made it home safely, but forever changed. i still plead that the Lord will allow me to go overseas for His namesake and i wait for that time all-too impatiently. but i also know there are some serious weaknesses in my life that the Lord has yet to refine before my life can transition to another culture. the coming months will be hard, but He is in control and i rest in His faithfulness and perfect love.

dear friend, thank you again for hosting me and letting me share life with you! it was/is more of a blessing than i can truly articulate. i pray that we will be able to live life together again at some point in the future.

thank you all, once again, for praying and the encouragement! but i ask you not to stop praying! there are many, many lost sheep in that country and the strongholds of the enemy are deeply rooted. continue to pray that light would shine forth in the darkness. pray that the workers and national believers would be strengthen and renewed by our Lord.

be sure to stop on by for the "more stories to come."

mini-update

2011-10-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

hey all.

not much to update about, but just wanted to drop a few lines to let you know what we've been up to.

thursday night/early morning friday morning i developed somethin somethin. after being up for a lot of the night, i slept until about 1pm...and then barely woke up the rest of the day. sadly, my friend, her roommate, and members of their team have been sick on and off since friday. your continued prayer for healing and strength from Father are appreciated!

saturday, my friend and i managed to venture out for a couple of hours, after sleeping in of course. coffee shop, public transportation, and a short trip grocery shopping proved sufficient for this venture. we spent the rest of the night just hanging out and having some introvert and Jesus times.

today, we went to church and took communion. then we went to lunch and i had the absolute thrill of eating with my hands and drinking an almost-mango lassi. and then i rode on the motorcycle with taking my hands off the handles....while moving! it's the little things yea? after a short rest, we had dinner/worship with the team and it was refreshing. worshipping Father in my heart language is something that i take for granted.

in other news, i finished a book i never said i'd read-redeeming love-and am grateful for how Father will continue to use this book in my life as a tool to reveal His perfectly unconditional love for me. the other day, i started reading the heavenly man. honestly, i have never been so convicted with a believer's life outside of scripture. if you have not read it, i'm not asking you to consider reading it, i'm pleading with you to do so! you will only regret it if you don't desire to live whole-heartedly for the King who is worthy of all.

thank you for your continued prayer and encouragement. i have so much to process after this short stent here that i hope you look forward to more blogs to come in the coming months. love you and see some of you in about a week!

update two

2011-09-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

welp, i've been here a week and it's way hard to believe. i know i'm honeymooning right now, but i can't wait to live in a place like this! yes, life has its difficulties, including prolonged periods of felt darkness, but life here is so simply on so many other levels.

tuesday:
i went with my friend to her language teacher's house. well, my friend has picked up the language so well, she doesn't have lessons any more, but she takes time to study scriptures with her old language teacher. it was an interesting time. we also went to the post office and the tofu lady. that afternoon, i joined her for two of her english classes which are discussion based. all in all, an interesting day.

wednesday:
we went to visit some other bules (slang for multiple white-ies) and p-walked the university campus that they work on. then we went to another, bigger university and p-walked there. although much joy came from such prayer, the warfare we engaged during those minutes was felt. (more stories to come) we had lunch with one of her former students and went grocery shopping afterward. yes, i saw a whole dragon fruit in real life. #bejealous. well, after some time shopping, what better thing to do then get boba? nothing really, so we got some boba and headed home. that evening was pr@yer night. we watched a sermon about the biggness and personal-ness of Father, ate satay, and prayed for each other and the nations. truly, a time i will never forget. (more stories to come)

thursday:
today, i donned my scrubs and we headed to a hospital run by national believers. i was happy to hear that it was known as the nicest hospital in this city. needless to say, i was on cloud nine the entire time i was there. pretty sure they'd hire me in the icu. #yesplease i felt bad for my friend who had translate for five hours and in medical terms. (more stories to come) we came home exhausted and excited (me more excited then she) and just rested for some time. tonight, we'll skype with some other friends and watch Ellen. basically, cannot wait for a chance to laugh that much.

even more, i plead that you pray for Father to continue to move in this people, for endurance and rest for the few workers who are cultivating an abundant harvest, and for national believers to be set on fire for the gospel.

side note: i played this song while typing and as the call the prayer rang out around me. #encouraged #humbled

never once did we ever walk alone
never once did you leave us on our own
you are faithful
God you are faithful

Update One

2011-09-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

good morning!

yes, it's tuesday morning here in southeast asia

and i still can't believe i'm here!

(side note: i'm typing on a pc and my fingers are confused. out of sheer laziness, there may be lots of typos. #getoverit)

truly, it has been a blessing to live life again with one of my dearest friends

and to see how God is using her and changing her more into the likeness of His Son!

so here's a brief update about what's been going on:

i got here friday night, just in time to see the sunset.

it was a beautiful end to a long time traveling solo.

i describe those momemnts as grateful and overwhelmed.

saturday was a chill day.

we slept in a bit, spent some time w/Jesus,

and then went exploring.

pancakes w/cheese, monkey garden w/no monkeys, green, the ocean, meeting people, and a "cream bath." basically, let's just call it amazing.

sunday came

and i successfully road a motorcycle for longer than 3 minutes!

(yes, as the passanger)

church was humbling, moving, and thoroughly refreshing.

(more stories on this to come)

then more motorcyle, tasty food, and crashing a mexican fiesta for someone's birthday.

monday we went to a (insert word here that i don't remember).

it's kind of like a slum, but not?

my friend said that one of the areas was like section 8 housing.

(sorry for the lame explanation)

my friend and new friend read books and sang songs with kids,

shared w/broken people about Jesus, and shared the joy of Christ.

(more stories from here to come).

ultimately, it has been an eye opening experience,

reminding me of the lost and God's desire

to have His name known and worshiped among all peoples.

please continue to pray for the lost here.

they are abundant.

please pray for the workers here, both foreign and national.

their work is abundant.

"Give thanks to the LORD,

call upon his name,

make known his deeds among the peoples,

proclaim that his name is exalted."

Isaiah 12:4

virtual support letter

2011-09-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

4 days

2 shifts at work

and a whole lotta loose ends to tie up.

i leave for my first "solo" trip overseas in 4 days.

i'll be visiting one of my best friends

in a place she's lived for almost a year.

i have the privilege of working along side her for 2 weeks.

this is the first time overseas that i haven't sent out support letters

or spread as wide a net to tel people about what's going on.

so, to my blog readers,

(all three of you)

i ask you to join with me on this journey to southeast asia.

not only to join me as i share updates and funny stories,

but to join me in prayer.

ways you can pray:

pray that i would get things finished up before i go (including a couple of nights at work)
pray that God would continue to prepare my heart and mind to serve unconditionally and in ways i cannot expect
pray that God would continue to prepare those i will serve along side, that He would give them endurance and joy

(and ultimately)

pray that hearts of the many lost that we encounter will be chipped away, and ultimately broken over the Gospel!

thank you ahead of time for your sacrificial prayer!

"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things?"

2 Corinthians 2:14-16

story of my life

2011-09-17T07:01:00.001-07:00

i've tweeted about it.

i've alluded to it.

still, every time i see this commercial,

i can't help but feel a special connection.

simply put,

story of my life.

muggin'

2011-09-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

as i've blogged before, my friend had a mug swap.

and i was anticipating the arrival of my mug.

one day, i got home and found this on the counter.

i was excited to get this much-awaited package.

but then i saw the stamp.

from the U.K.?!?!

i eagerly opened the package

and this amazing mug was in there

um, is this not brilliant?

annika even included some delicious british goodies.

this really neat postcard was in there too.

welp, here she is in her new home

thanks again, annika, for the amazing mug and wonderful pairings!

10 on 10: Margarita Madness edition

2011-09-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

welcome to this special edition of 10 on 10.

(thanks for the reminder, kim!)

i love working weekends for three reasons:

-less work

-more pay

-no commute traffic

i mean, do you see that? i could actual drive

the appropriate speed limit for 280

(which is over 70, of course).

the trees outside our complex are starting to resemble fall.

not sure i'm ready for that.

when i got home, i wanted something special.

what could be more special than hot

chocolate in a mug all the way from the UK?

after falling asleep on the couch for who knows how long,

i decided to go to my bed.

{sigh}

my special place.

once i got up, i had the chance to check out a new package.

another waffle maker for another happy couple!

my dad is winning an award next week and i have the privileged

of watching him receive it.

but a fancy award requires fancy attire.

well, this is the best he's gonna get.

i had asked my roommates if they wanted to

go out tonight for some din din.

you see, we live less than half a mile from the

best mexican resturant in town.

ellen and i walked and met jamie there.

that meant it was chaco time.

we enjoy ourselves thoroughly.

this good time called for some coffee

and we pulled out the big guns:

regular.

i got to drive my roommies car.

super small and super fun.

my sister had bought a new book,

a children's book of course.

jamie enjoyed it

and it made for some good post-dinner fun.

sadly, this day was not without casualties.

i burned myself on my dinner plate.

yea, even after icing it at dinner, it's still gonna leave a mark.

welp, there it is.

margarita madness.

i guess it was a little more mad in person.

happy september!

blessings

2011-09-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

life has seemed busy.

as hard as i try, i still seemed to get caught up

in the business and muchness of life.

thankfully, my pastor sent a text out about song.

i hope this song blesses you as much as it has me.

But with joy our hearts will say,

You are faithful

times, they are a changin'

2011-08-30T02:13:00.000-07:00

the Lord has been gracious and has been

convicting me of areas i need to change.

part of the reason the past months have seemed so dark is because

i've been so utterly distracted from seeing and savoring God.

money.

possessions.

lack of sleep.

relationships changing.

different influences.

who knew i was so easily influenced by these

things i never used to care about?

as the Lord continues to reveal such areas of weakness and sin,

i know i need to make drastic changes.

i mean, let's be honest,

the small ones i was attempting to make just weren't working.

change 1:

no facebook.

my facebook account is officially deactivated.

i'm not saying it will be forever,

but it is for this season.

change 2:

Bible reading.

i started the ten's list and have really been enjoying

the variety of scripture consumed daily.

{more on this to come}

change 3:

TBD

hey, i'm slow at change.

and fickle.

i can only take so much change at once.

i'm not sure how this will all turn out.

i may be back on facebook in a week,

having forgotten the purpose behind letting it go.

i could be spending more time watching

mad men then time in scriptures.

but i do know that the Lord says He will give us the desires of our hearts

and my desire is to fall more in love with Him.

Lord, prove yourself faithful once again.

mad about mugs

2011-08-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

one of my good and longest friends is celebrating her blog-versary.

and she celebrated with a mug swap.

super fun, right?

well, i needed to buy a cute mug for this hip mom-blogger.

but here's the thing:

i suck at decisions.

mostly decisions that affect other people.

you know, like buying a mug for someone i've never met.

* * *

i went to visit my dear sister at work.

just so happens she works at a coffee shop/boutique fusion.

and she just happened to show me the mugs,

and i just so happened to purchase one.

this one.

WAIT, that's not the end of my story!

well, hannah is ringing up my purchase when she procedes to ask,

"what drink do you want?"

"what?" i reply.

"your free drink? after you buy a mug?" she informs me.

um HECK YES!

i'm all about a deal.

and this was a match made in heaven.

so here's to celebrating friends-

cheers!

BUTTON!

2011-08-20T08:27:00.001-07:00

alright, sorry to those of you who have already grabbed my button
(thank you, by the way),

but the button below will work for reals.

so grab it already!

test

2011-08-19T19:37:00.000-07:00

trying to make a button.

did it work?

feedback always appreciated.

especially now.

CAUTION: construction

2011-08-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

my blog is currently undergoing some MAJOR renovation.

maybe i was inspired by my friend patrick after

our chat about html, php, and lsd

*wait....*

or maybe it was my picnik upgrade

or even just having five nights off in a row.

whatever the reason,

you are currently in a construction zone.

hard hats, please.

say hello to my little friend

2011-08-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

i recently gave away my travel Bible.

i knew the Lord was telling me to give it away,

but for some reason i grieved its loss.

i bought this Bible right after j.w.i. and it has been my go to during

so many transitions and experiences in life.

from hume to college,

from college to rwanda,

from rwanda to india

and back again.

truly, this Bible was my sword,

kept safe in the sheath of my purse,

ready for battle.

now, i have a pretty nice study Bible
(effectionately called rosecrans),

but of course i left it at the building after worship service this week.

you guessed it,

i bought a new one.

everybody, say hello to my little friend.

not only is she the perfect size, but she's cute.

i mean, there's a bird on it.

best part:

the scripture.

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not of more value than they?"

Matthew 6:26

during this current season of life, where want is not a concern,

worry and over-concern seem to creep in more easily.

strange, huh?

but the Lord has been faithful *yet again* in reminding me of

His faithfulness and sovereignity in all seasons of life.

like a bird.

ebenezer: adulthood

2011-08-15T10:07:00.000-07:00

i think i really entered the land of adulthood

when i started working my first full time job.

and that was one year ago today.

i remember the day clearly:

the weather was, well, not clear,

i looked professional,

i arrived 30min early, just to make sure i got a parking spot and found the building on time,

and i was totally distracted with other things in life.

i sat through meeting after meeting

from homeland security to patient privacy,

from payroll and retirement to my oath of office

(working for the executive branch of the

US government is pretty hard core).

{insert one year}

although the luster of having a full time job has dulled,

the paychecks and privacy laws part of the norm,

and the oath of office somewhat distant,

today i am just as grateful for this job as i was a year ago.

the Lord alone has provided.

i prayed earnestly before i graduated from college into the time of my interviews that the Lord would provide a job for me in the bay area that i might be able to participate in this.

truly, He was faithful,

and He remains faithful.

my ebenezer is not solely about being an adult,

but rather the faithfulness of God in adulthood.

today, i lean on this fact

and rest in its truth.

it's been a while

2011-08-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

it feels like it's been a while since i've blogged,

but i have my reasons.

mostly, i've been consumed with trying to find a mug for this friends

blog-versary.

the pressure.

the pressure!

roadtrip

2011-08-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

i really like driving.

just me, my tunes, and the open road.

which would be true if i wasn't the destination wasn't socal.

i looked up the traffic this am on mapquest.

the dominant colors were yellow and red.

but i guess this was true for the majority of california

nice.

so in order to practice my spiritual gift of procrastination,

i made some playlists and purchased some new music.

shout out to kim for the suggestions.

mat kearney:

live album and young life.

i think i'm addicted.

NeedtoBreathe:

finally got the outsiders album AND the new single, slumber.

#soexcited

Shane and Shane:

pages is an awesome album.

word.

Hymns Mix:

renditions from enfield to chris tomlin to david crowder.

i love hymns.

this mix makes me excited.

look out not-so-open road,

me and my tunes are comin your way!

it's not that complicated

2011-07-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

i don't mean to beat a dead horse,

(which, by the way, is a weird idium)

but i can't get over this article.

where have we gone wrong, american church?

where did we begin to read into scirpture more than need be?

when did we stop trusting our Creator?

i used to be so eager to go,

to participate in the task that the Lord has entrusted us with.

but over the past few months, i forgotten this longing

and have ignored the blatant call of Jesus to go.

forgive me, Most High, for forgetting Your call.

forgive me for allowing this world and its desires

to sway and distract me.

forgive me for forgetting the lost that surround me.

give me eager hands and feet once again,

renew this sense of purpose and urgency, Gracious Lord.

take me out to the ball game

2011-07-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

today was an all american day at the ball park.

family,

summer day,

some of the best pitching ever,

and some legit catching.

add some great pitching from the real beard man,

and the fake beard man pitching mediocre like.

all in all, a great day!

(minus the loss)

my mama

2011-07-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

this is my mom.

she's pretty amazing.

i know i have a tendency to exaggerate,

but i'm not in this instance.

she's amazing.

she gives abundantly

she cares deeply

she loves fiercely.

most importantly, she serves God with faithfulness and excellence,

not just out of obedience, but out of love.

#bestmotherever is too pithy a statement.

i hope i can be as cool as her when i grow up.

July: 10 on 10

2011-07-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

happy 10th!

i can't believe it's the 10th of july.

can we please slow this summer down?

well, today started out with a wake up call at 0633
(that's 6:33am for you lay-folks).

i can't remember the last time i had to wake up that early.

*no picture. just imagine me really, really sleepy*

next, some coffee and time in the Scriptures.

then, i did something i've wanted to do for weeks, neigh, months!

i got on my bike and met up with this crazy chica.

then we headed off to sunnybrae where we meet for church.

all in all, good times.

yes, we match. not planned.

once we arrived, kim made the astute observation that no one had signed up to bring food.

this can only mean one thing: TRADER JOE'S RUN!

we hopped into the tucker-mobile with my sis and emily.

we bought and feast, but it was almost gone by the time service started.

#typical

i love worshipping at this lil' church.
"keep it simple,"
that's our motto.

once i got home, my sister made some lunch.

she wasn't thrilled with me taking a picture, but oh well.

while we ate lunch and watched harry potter.

even though some people are haters,

we are excited to watch the series before the new one comes out.

well, i worked tonight, so it was time for a nap.

i like to sleep in this dark corner of our living room.

it's like a nest. a comfortable nest.

on my way out of our building, i found this little gem.
too good not to share:

i headed to no-longer-chipotle sunday.
i got a thai salad and black tea (w/light ice, of course).
the rest of the crew spent time deliberating over where to eat.
always a good time.

well, i had to leave early since i worked sunday night,
but don't worry, i got the hook ups with the caffiene
and caught up on the giants game on my way.

hope you enjoyed this rendition of 10 on 10!
until next month...

not promoting weight loss

2011-07-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

last year, i decided it was time to lose some weight for reals.

so over the next six-ish months, i worked hard and lost 22lbs.

the came the next six-ish months, and i gained it back.

boo.

well, it's time to get back on the weight-loss wagon.

things i'm doing to promote weight loss:

*started logging food again through myfitnesspal.com.

i'm a fan. (mostly cause it's free)

*at least 30min of cardio a week.

*eating fruits, veggies, and healthy protein when i work nights.

*cutting back on my starbucks intake

(specifically drinks that have milk in it)

wow, this is a good enough start there.

in the words of dr. leo marvin, baby steps.

welp, away we go!

(again)

a GIANT obsession

2011-06-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

i'm not sure exactly when it happened.

close to this time last year seems most likely.

but somewhere along the line,

i became obsessed with the san francisco giants.

okay, maybe obsessed is too strong of a word.

but i really, really like them.

and let me clear this up,

i don't really like baseball,

just the giants.

there's just something about the orange and black that has stolen my attention.

is it the world series win?

is it the fact that they have multiple players with incredible facial hair?

is it that they have some of the funniest commercials?

or is it that i have come to feel as if i know the giants.

ok, kinda ~~stalker status~~ weird, but any giants fans out there agree?

for the first time since barry bonds, jt snow, and benito santiago,

i actually know who is on the team.

i can name almost all of them.

and know when they're batting, (especially in the case of aaron rowand).

i still don't know all of their numbers or stats,

thus keeping me some distance from "obsessed" status.

it's a good team to know about when working in san francisco.

more often than not i can talk to my patients about the giants.

it's a good ice breaker when you've got to start a new iv.

so here's to you, sf giants!

many thanks to your marketing team for making you so likeable!

June: 10 on 10

2011-06-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

happy june 10th!

here's a little sneak peak into my weird life.

my day started out as usual: Jesus time and social networking.

i was also trying to buy my tickets to indo, but that venture was unsuccessful.

boo.

i headed out for some grocery shopping in this stylish ensemble.

shhh....don't tell stacy and clinton.

i needed a potato masher.

it took me five minutes to find it.

wonder why....

then, i brought lunch to this lovely lady.

subway is always a winner.

well, she and her hubby had just moved, so i got a

chance to help them out a bit.

we made two boxes of ikea goodness turn into a

pretty sweet storage space.

girl power reigns again!

i needed to make a pie. so i did.

i think it's gonna taste amazing.

i was cleaning because it just needed to be done.

as i was putting laundry away, my 25 yr/o

dresser decided to break.

again.

for the third time this move.

welp, time for a change. an expensive change.

i had a chance to get a new bottle of wine.

okay, fake wine.

there's alcohol, but real winos would say this would be a

crap bottle of wine.

i don't care.

shout out to this crazy friend for introducing this to me.

i bought a kindle.

yesterday, i got one of those ups notices on my door.

tonight, same thing.

BUT the ups guy left it on my porch!

BHA! time to get down with my techy self.

welp, it's friday, so a girl's night was in order.

giants game, "whip it," macs, and yumi.

whata night!

and there you have it. happy june, everyone!

concert reflections

2011-06-09T17:24:00.000-07:00

i'll admit, i'm not very concert-savy.

my first 3 concerts were to *NSYNC.

pathetic, it's true.

but over the last year, i've experienced 3 better concerts:

need2breath and train

the daylights and need2breath

lenny kravitz and U2.

clearly, the latter trumps them all.

i was revved for the concert. i got to spend the night

with some pretty hip folks.

this is me, my sister, and our good friend jess.

please believe, we were excited we were there!

it was also special to have my cousin there.

he works on ships and is gone for the majority of the year.

good thing bono broke his back, so jon could join us!

there were two other guys that joined our crew, also.

(insert non-existent picture here)

the concert was great. i only knew....eh, half of the music they played.

nonetheless, it was amazing.

the are great entertainers and musicians.

the perfect combo.

but U2 also brings a political component to the mix.

being a band that is part of international organizations like amnesty international, (red), and the one campaign (to name a select few), quite a bit of the show reflects a humanistic mentality.

the most interesting part about it:

most of the people at the concert dug it.

it reminded me of church services:

hands raised, singing along, ~~amens~~ cheering.

sounds familiar, eh?

U2 has become a religion,

a concert has become a church services,

and we are now our own saviors.

don't get me wrong, i enjoyed the concert with its musicality and performance qualities.

but i wasn't worshiping U2

or embracing a humanistic mentality.

i didn't, and still don't, believe that any one, but Christ can save me.

my heart hurts for the people who adhere to such "religious" practices.

may they have their eyes of their hearts enlightened to the Gospel of grace!

leave of absence

2011-06-05T15:33:00.000-07:00

WARNING:

much of what you are about to read, has been blogged about before.

get over it.

i haven't been blogging as much as usual lately. main reason: i don't have much to tell. i work, i sleep *sometimes*, and eat. this is the synopsis of my life.

i talked with a friend today about the transition from "college" life to "adult" life.

she agreed: it sucked.

i miss those that have comprised my community for the past five years.

i miss the sun.

i miss the constant accountability to live a gospel-center, missional life.

but i'm not there anymore.

and i need to get over it.

today, i did four loads of laundry, cored a half-flat of strawberries, made a cake, and cleaned my kitchen and bathroom, while watching the giants in HD.

boring? yes.

necessary? yes.

as boring and mundane as my life seems to be, i am grateful for

this season to seek God in the mundane;

to see the need for Him even when things are going well;

to worship the God of consistency and mystery;

to fall in deeper love with the One who's love is unending and unconditional.

ingrid bergman

2011-06-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

first it was kim novak.

now it's ingrid bergman.

nope, a patient didn't say i looked like this famous hollywood icon.

my aunt did.

this is probably the biggest compliment of my life.

ingrid always played strong, female roles.

not to mention the fact she's flippin' gorgeous.

sadly, not sure i'm seeing it.

whoa dang

2011-05-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

i love my utmost for His highest by oswald chambers. every time i read it, i am convicted and see how much i need Jesus. today's reading was so familiar, more familiar than any re-read before. God is good.

last year on this day, i was getting ready to embark on the longest hike of my life. i didn't know it, but i was going to hike 11.2 mi over 7 hours. honestly, it was one of the most stretching activities of my life. i had to lay down my pride and be in the back of the group; i had to see and live in the reality that God was/is my strength.

my favorite line is "If God puts you there (in a disagreeable place), He is amply sufficient."

HE is amply sufficient.

this year has been hard. i've experienced many new things and struggled through things unexpected. but God has been amply sufficient. in my utter weakness, in my utter rebellion in too many instances, He has remained amply sufficient.

Precious Father, thank you for this year of struggles and of joys. thank You that You are changing me into the glorious image of Jesus. please, continue to give me the grace to see You in every circumstance. please, give me the grace to stay focused on You and worship You alone. You are amply sufficient.

10 on 10

2011-05-11T09:07:00.000-07:00

well, here's another look into the all too exciting life of me

*insert sarcasm here*

i'm not the biggest fan of breakfast food, but lately,
i've been obsessed with frosted flakes.

the taste is delicious, the points fairly cheap, and the tiger's pretty awesome

i don't work until tonight, so i was able to spend
some quality time with Jesus

i've loved hiking over the past few weeks. i'm basically obsessed with edgewood park in redwood city. today, i tried a couple of new trails.
it was so fun!

(for the record, if a guy ever wants to propose to me, he really needs to consider doing it in that top frame. #gorgeous)

i decided to get some lunch and a ptl (passion tea lemonade).

please note, the LIGHT ice ptl (shout out to mr. p-tuck).

yep, this is summer's lunch of champions.

well, i realized how disgusting my car was...

....so i decided to take it here. good life choice fo sho!

i ended up back home and checked the mail (my personal favorite chore)

this was a pleasant surprise in the mail!

congrats, boots! how mightily the Lord will continue to use you for His glory!

i went into my room to see what needed to be done. let's just say the pile of nursing uniforms on the floor needed to be dealt with. laundry ttiiiiimmmmeee!

yep, there's underwear in there.

after a ~~so called~~ nap, i decided to bite the bullet and get ready for work. my first night back i always the hardest. i just don't want to go. after ~~an unnecessary amount~~ a bit of pouting and complaining, it was time to head out the door.

God knew my wicked heart, yet still decided to remind me of His goodness multiple times on the way to work. first when i stepped out the door of my apt
and anther time at ocean beach in sf.

this wasn't the end to my day (in fact it was just the start), but i hope you enjoyed the simple musings of this simple life.

a year in journal world

2011-05-04T16:39:00.000-07:00

i'm not a crazy journal er. and my journal mostly consists of prayers. since i'm turning over a new leaf, i thought it was time to start a new journal. i just have too many memories associated with my current journal. (ridiculous, but true.) but before i could set this one down and ready it for a life in my parents' attic, i took a gander through it. i saw where i was and where i am now. definitely in a different place, but definitely still very much in need of God, the source of true delight, joy, and satisfaction.

i wrote down a few verses and quotes that still press on my heart. i hope they encourage and challenge you as they challenge me:

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

proverbs 19:21

"Sanctification means more than deliverance from sin, it means the deliberate commitment of myself whom God has saved to God, and that I do not care what it costs."

oswald chambers

"Some days require greater faith than others. When our spirits are low, we must cling

to the unseen God who has never failed in word or deed."

paul washer

a fortress of holiness:

"So, whether you eat or drink, orwhatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

1 corinthians 10:31

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

romans 12:1

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

philippians 4:8

"One of the greatest strians in life is the strain of waiting for God."

oswald chambers

Matthew 5

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

romans 12:12

what i wore wednesday

2011-05-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

today is wednesday. and in the spirit of trying something new, i've decided to join the blog frenzy of "what i wore wednesday."

well, today is my fourth night off in a row. and when i don't work,

i typically just hang out. my outfit reflects this.

please note, the comfortable yants (fusion of yoga and pants, for those not quite as stylish as me). classic black is always a winning choice (and a slimming one).

another classic choice: worn out t-shirt. i was feeling nastalgic today and

decided to break out the cbu nursing shirt.

finally, the look is topped off by some white sunglasses. let's take a closer look, shall we?

everyone has a signature to their look. for me, that's some white sunglasses and either toms or flip flops. since the weather is beautiful today, i went with the flip flops.

lastly, let's examine the hair and makeup:

oh wait, i'm not wearing any makeup-ha! and the hair, well, i love that it's starting to get long again, so i'm sportin the "i didn't even blow dry cause i was so lazy today" look. fitting? i think yes.

well, i hope you enjoyed this addition of what i wore wednesday.

until next time.

goal failure

2011-05-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

i pretty much fail at any goal i set.

loose weight and keep it off-

fail.

read a book a month-

fail.

pray and fast weekly-

fail.

read the entire Bible in the course of a year-

fail.

learn to play the guitar-

fail.

and this is just the short list. maybe i'm not disciplined enough? or maybe i lack drive to follow through. i dunno what it is, but the point is that it sucks. i suck. and i know i need to change.

in the slump i've ~~found~~ put myself in over the past 4 months, i know what needed to change. i needed to live in obedience. i needed to live in pursuit of God. but i just wasn't doing it. (amongst other things), the book the pursuit of holiness by jerry bridges kept coming to mind. i had read it years ago and remember it impacting me. now that my faith had grown and my relationship and understanding of God had become deeper, i thought this would be a good book to dive into during a time that lacked (for the loss of a better word) holiness, or the pursuit thereof. yes, i know, those in Christ are made holy by His blood and by His blood alone. yet, i have a part to play in that. as paul says in romans 6:14 "for sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace," and in romans 6:1 "shall we continuing sinning that grace may increase? by no means!" clearly, simple belief in God is not enough. obedience is required. obedience birthed out of love for a kind, loving, just Savior.

ok, i'm not trying to dig a theological hole here. the Lord saves and sanctifies; by His grace i am able to follow, able to obey. nevertheless, i control my actions and attitude. and those have not been reflective of love and obedience. (did that clarify? i sure hope so)

so i found myself finally picking up the book and finally reading more than the preface. i would love to quote the entire first chapter here, but i won't. buy the book, or borrow it from me when i'm done. it's worth the $8.

10 reasons why i love shotguns

2011-04-21T19:19:00.000-07:00

today, my sister, my dad, and i went shooting. we've been planning this date for months. you see, i found out this summer that i owned a 12-gauge shotgun. apparently, my pops bought my sister and i matching ones for christmas one year (best gift...um, ever?). and actually, my dad has a similar one as well (yes, i can hear the "aww's" now). so after a 15 year hiatus, i decided it was time to get back in the game.

now, i'd only shot a shotgun once. and i hated it. rifles were my gig, so the thought of shooting this reverb beast made me, well, nervous. but two boxes of clays later, i was hooked. shotguns are far superior to rifles, and way more fun! don't believe me? well, let me try to convince you.

10.)The Great Outdoors.

my dad takes us to an outdoor range in los altos. definitely a plus.
if you didn't know already, i'm ~~obsessed with~~ really like trees and clouds.
include those two elements in any outing and i'm sold!

9.) Family Affair.

it's nice to see other families doing things together. maybe learning to shoot a gun isn't your idea of a family outing, but in all seriousness, it's nice to see parents being parents, teaching and investing in their children. it's not something i see too often.

8.) Challenge.

i don't have the best hand-eye coordination. so to say that i need to point
this weapon at a moving target and hit it, well, uh yea, kind of a challenge.
although i did better than i expected.

7.) Change.

even if you place the clay in the same position on the launcher, it always ends up in a different spot. adaptation is key. adaptation is something i need practice with. (and that's why shooting clays is pretty suh-weet!)

6.) No Limits.

this limit is specific to time. you make your own schedule when you go to shoot. get there first thing in the morning or wait until the afternoon? shoot til noon or until you've gone through a box or two of clays? always different, always fun.

5.) Nice People.

i love the range masters. ya know, the guys with the bright orange vests insuring safety. well, this one guy pulled up in his golf cart and i was nervous that we had broken a rule. nope. he just wanted to give me and ellen a few tips. that's nice. and i like it.

4.) Easy Breezy Clean

so cleaning a rifle can take up to an hour. it's fairly meticulous (and i'd actually go through the steps if anyone reading this would understand). when we got home, i was dreading cleaning the shotguns. my dad was saying we were going to clean in the garage, as opposed to the dining room where we always used to clean. i thought i was going to take forever since our garage isn't exactly spacious. come to find out, it takes about ten minutes (max) to clean a shotgun. pure beauty.

3.) Practice Makes Better.

the more i shot, the better i got. sure, i still suck, but i'm way better.
can't wait to restock the amo and clays for another range date!

2.) Worthy of Hardcore Points.

dude, i shot a shut gun, got a ~~small~~ bruise, and didn't hurt anyone.
~~b.a.~~ hard core points earned fo sho!

1.) It's Frickin' Fun!

i mean, really, it is! if you still don't believe me,
you'll just have to come give it a try with me this summer!

(want to see more photos of this day, please check out my sisters blog)

our God saves

2011-04-18T10:42:00.000-07:00

i've been reading through the old testament, (slowly, but surely), and i really like it. some people bash the old testament, saying it's boring or hard to understand. there are many things i love about the old testament, but the recurring theme that i see this time around: our God saves.

again and again and again, the israelites find themselves in peril. and again and again and again, God rescues them, He saves them. He doesn't save them because they are good; He saves them because He is good. in isaiah 48, God declares that it is for His name that he delays wrath. but God doesn't do that because His people are obedient to the core; He does it to bring glory to Himself.

wow.

but God still saves. and not just from bad situations. He saves our souls! this is what blows my mind. He raises souls from the death to life, not because people are so good, but to bring glory to His name.

and to that i say two things:

1) rightfully so! He's the one doing the work, He should get all the credit and glory.

2) (insert silence here).

i can use many words to describe how gratefully i am that He saves, but no word seems adequate. instead, silence and humble submission seem best. i am overwhelmed that He would choose to save me. me. does He really know my utterly wicked self? yes. and He still saves me? yes.

"'The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock,in whom I take refuge,

my shield, and the horn of my salvation,
   my stronghold andmy refuge,
   my savior; you save me from violence.
I call upon the LORD, who isworthy to be praised,
   and I am saved from my enemies.'"

2 Samuel 22:2-4

"...yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation."

Habakkuk 3:18

"For itwas fitting that he,for whom and by whom all things exist,

in bringing many sons to glory, should make thefounder of

their salvationperfect through suffering.

Hebrews 2:10

"After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice,

"Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!"

And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and

the four living creatures, and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God"

Revelation 7:9-11

Hear the joyful sound of our offering
As your saints bow down, as your people sing
We will rise with You, lifted on Your wings
And the world will see that
Our God saves, our God saves
There is hope in Your name

10 on 10...sorta

2011-04-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

i know, i know, it's late. i forgot that it was the 10th of April until a friend told me around 7:30am. well, most of my day had flown by at this point, so i knew my first 10 on 10 was gonna be pretty boring. but, here we go anyway.

at 6:30am, i went pee and, while washing my hands,

realized how incredibly sunburned i was. lobster girl fo sho.

at 7:30am, (about) i was headed home. it's the best part of my day because i get to see to step outside and smell the fresh air and admire the beach. #bestjobever

on my way home, i got to enjoy one of the most beautiful commutes. although i hate commuting, i am overly grateful for the opportunity to enjoy God's creation so beautifully each day!

welp, i arrived home and needed some time to unwind. so, time for some grey's. it's pretty awesome debriefing for this crazy nurse. and i've totally gotten to the season with owen. needless to say, i'm real excited! #dontjudge

i woke up a bit after the episode ad ended and decided it was time to get some real sleep.

and slept

let's be honest, working nights and then living my days off during the day can get confusing. i always have to pee around normal-people lunch time, in this case, 1:30pm. (you probably don't want to see anymore than this.)

then i slept some more.

and more sleep.

well, you get the gist. a few hours later, some folks from church came over for infamous chipotle sunday. also a good day. but before they came over, i had to primp and get all beautiful for work, so back to the bathroom.

time for the party to start. it was a great way to end/start my day.

oh, by the way, don't judge my friends, they're crazy....

crazy in like with chipotle!

that was probably more than 10 for the 10th, BUT i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. until the next 10th....

a much needed boosh

2011-04-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

my friend sent this to me today. it hit me right where i needed to be hit, so i encourage you to read it, not to condemn you, but to challenge you. may we become people who are more concerned about the lost, the broken, the ones without hope than ourselves (matthew 5:38-47, to say the least).

unread: 24

2011-03-30T04:28:00.000-07:00

dear 568 unread blogs,

i did not like when you appeared on my google reader. in fact, i was quite upset that i had missed out on information from my good friends' lives. you made me feel like a slacker, 568. but to you, i now say "boosh." i have changed you, 568, forever! never again will my google reader show you! never again will your overwhelming digitary complexity show your face!

i have found contentment in a new number: 24. it's a kinder, more palatable number.

farewell for good, 568!

with no genuine love,
cinders

holi

2011-03-23T19:16:00.000-07:00

Holi:

a spring religious festival celebrated by hindus.

(per wikipedia)

colors.

paint.

laughter.

worship to the untrue.

holi, i want to participate in you one day

(minus the untrue worship part.)

He restores my soul

2011-03-18T01:04:00.000-07:00

Psalm 23

The LORD is myshepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

   I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
   your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
   mycup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
    forever.

* * * * *

freshman year in college, we had to take a strengths finder assessment. my top strength, restorative. at first, i thought this was a crazy strength for me because i can be so apathetic. but over the past few years, i've seen how God has uniquely created me to love, and even yearn for, restoration. and i think this is why i'm a nurse. i get to come along side people and help facilitate physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental restoration. and i think this is one reason why God has burdened my heart so deeply for the lost. i long to see those who don't know the Lord, who are separated from Him, to be restored to Him forever.

but sometimes, i forget how much i crave restoration in my own life. i love when broken friendships are restored; i love when conflicts have resolution; i love when music ends with some sort of resolution. but there was an element of restoration that i neglected: i love when i live in the reality that Mighty God and Loving Father has restored our relationship through the death and resurrection of His Son.

the last few months have been rough, (i know, not as rough as others when it comes down to it), but i think what made it so difficult is that i wasn't living day to day in the reality of my restored soul. God has restored me. me, the most wretched sinner, the whore, the prideful one. He has chosen to restore me!

He restores my soul

another plan that didn't come to fruition

2011-03-17T04:05:00.000-07:00

God's been breaking me of my planner self lately (i.e. the past four months). most of the things that i've planned haven't gone according to my plan and, a lot of the time, haven't even happened.

the latest burst bubble: the conference i was going to go to hear paul washer speak is sold out. i was supposed to buy my ticket yesterday, but got to busy with the move. i'm pretty sad.

oh well, another item left unchecked on the bucket list.

sleepless in san francisco

2011-03-14T02:13:00.000-07:00

yep, i'm at work again. at present, i only have two patients and they are both asleep. in a bit i'll have some things to do, but right now, it's all gravy.

another nurse's patient keeps yelling at us because we haven't given him enough food. he's eaten two dinner trays and is insisting he gets another. ha. dude, we aren't at the ritz carrleton. the gov'ment is broke as a joke, three dinners ain't gonna happen.

i need a haircut. BAD! it's all crazy different lengths and the ends aren't lookin too hot. and i have a wedding to go to on saturday. the first of the potential six weddings this year. oye vey.

i said oye vey. haha, i love jews.

it's supposed to rain/snow saturday at the wedding. i think i need to re-think my outfit choice of cute beige sun-dress, light pink cardi, and flowered flats. maybe i should find out if the wedding is indoors or out of doors.

that's kind of a funny statement, out of doors. ha.

the engagement count: 4 weeks, 12 engagements. crazy. cra-zy.

i have friends at work now! it's pretty exciting. although, tonight i experienced the true dirtiness that surfaces all too often in healthcare. thankfully, God has given me the grace to stay out of the conversations a lot.

i got to hang out with a friend from nepal last evening. it was really fun to catch up with him. added bonus: delicious nepali tea and mango lassi. probably the best mango lassi i've had ever. really, ev-er!

last week, i had a really refreshing time with a friend i've only known for a year. i am encouraged by her passionate and grounded spirit, and am blown away by her ability to speak Biblical truth in abundant love. while we don't talk super often, i am always encouraged when we do. while i made pizza, she read Scripture. and not bits and pieces, she read books. sigh. super encouraging. i want more hang out times like this.

i cried the entire way to work. it was hard, but much needed.

i just got my third patient. he's hard of hearing and r/o tb, which means i have to wear a really thick mask. 1)i look hotter than you think. 2)our communication has not been very good thus far.

tuesday is a big day: moving and tax day. holler.

i'm eating strawberries and grapes instead of banana cream pie. #tryingtopromoteweightloss

my pt with PNA and r/t tb (that's pneumonia and rule out tuberculosis for all you lay people out there ;)), wants to go smoke. i called the doc to get permission and he told me "well, that wouldn't be good; he's acutally pretty sick." no way?! really?!

i love hymns. jars of clay redemption songs is currently in my car. so good!

well, this is sleepless in san francisco, signing off. until next time.

uh oh

2011-03-12T15:43:00.000-08:00

i may have made a critical error.

pray for grace in the coming hours.

(a titch dramatic? potentially.)

new goal

2011-03-11T09:03:00.000-08:00

i set a lot of goals that i don't attain. learning the guitar, reading a book a month, not eating sweets, etc. one goal i had was to be overseas in five years post graduation; 2015 was going to be the golden year. loans paid, experience gained, and no one to rain on this parade.

but why not go sooner? yes, i am committed to my job until october and i have a lease until march 2012, so i am here until then. um, but who says i can't get a job overseas before 2015? what's wrong with minimum loan payments?

this is not necessarily a new goal, but a new plan i'm going to start praying through.

to God be the glory!

practice

2011-03-10T21:27:00.000-08:00

so, my mac friends told me about picnik. so i needed some practice.

and i just put all my files from my old computer on this bad boy. i found the picture below and it made my heart smile.

so here's to practice and great people!

today at work

2011-03-09T02:39:00.000-08:00

i only have 2 patients right now. i'm waiting for an admission, though. i'm hungry, but i know as soon as i heat up my food, i'll get a call to receive report. so, i decided to blog.

one of my patients i had last night. he has chronic pain and is able to withstand a lot, and i mean a lot, of morhpine! i keep checking on him to make sure he has respiratory drive. well, anyway, he was in such pain yesterday that i almost started crying with him. one of the worst parts of my job is that i have to watch people "suffer;" yes, i can often help, but sometimes i've done all i could do. that was the case with this man. i am grateful for the Holy Spirit, though, because He reminded me that i offer something better than morphine-Jesus. so i asked if i could pray for him and he said absolutely and that he, too, was a follower. in all honesty, i had my doubts. drug user? weird tats? etoh? but i was wrong....throughout the night, he proved his love for the Lord. i was convicted of my judgemental attitude. throughout our conversations, i was reminded why i became a nurse-to show the love of Jesus Christ with a sick, dying world. i am humbled that i get to this on a regular basis.

my other patient was transfered to our unit yesterday, suspected gi bleed (which freaks me out d/t the lack of specific symptoms until your patient is bleeding out). anyway, he was upset with me from the moment i stepped in his room. during our first few conversations, i kept trying to prove that i was right and that i offered the best solution to his problems. how arrogant can i get?! i finally listened to him. and then i asked if i could pray for him. his response? "where's my rosary???" i found it and handed it to him. he told me that he makes roasries; in fact, he had made 7,000 over the past year. my initial reaction-judgement. (i mean, really, dude? rosaries? hail mary? what about all hail the power of Jesus' name? ugh.) but i am thankful the Spirit took me away from that place. as he went on and on about how to make them and how the rosary is in the Bible, alll i wanted to do was weep. and please believe, i almost did. i got out of the room and took a few deep breaths. my heart broke for the man who knew little of grace. for the man who thought that God heard him because of his repetition. i want him to know how intimate prayer can be and how sitting with God is filled with more joy than repeating "hail mary" could ever be. yes, i tried to communicate this, but as i've blogged before, my verbal communcation kinda sucks and i did not rely on the Spirit for words.

this has been my night thus far. and i am grateful. it has been hard, but it has been amazing.

i'm also making friends at work (haha, that was kind of like, "hey mom, guess what!?"), but this makes me excited. i value relationships, and having meaningful relationships at work is an important step in my job. one of my co-workers wants me to go speed dating with her. i'm thinking i might because how funny would it be when i show up with greasy hair, a tye-dye shirt, and my retainers in? i'm pretty much stoked for this adventure! it was kind of painful to discuss some of the last few months with her. i know, i didn't have to, but i didn't want to lie.

which brings me to my next point. i need to work on not telling everyone everything. my nature: just tell people, who cares? but in persecuted countries, i can't tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth in terms of circumstances. i need to work on stating the truth, but not giving detail. we'll see how that goes.

welp, i'm hungry. i think it's time for some sweet potato gnocchi and asparagus (which, by the way, makes your pee smell really soon after consumption). until next sleepless night...

in the pit

2011-03-05T11:12:00.000-08:00

the last four months have been pretty rough. i've been in the pit of my selfishness and inconsistency.

this week, God allowed me the sheer honor of seeing some of my closest friends again. i miss them. i miss the laughter, the tears, and the heated conversations. i miss the ability to sit in silence, but still have a unique understanding of one another.

i went to socal in the pit.

i came back and things seem different.

only time will tell if this season of living in the miry bog is over. but i pray it is. i am grateful to have had such a renewing time with friends that i've lived life with over the past 4-5 years and i am grateful for their penetrating encouragement. truly, the Lord has blessed me with the bestest friends in the world. thank you, Jesus!

Iwaited patiently for the LORD;
   he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
   out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
   making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
   a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
   and put their trust in the LORD.

Psalm 40:1-3

book update

2011-02-27T04:22:00.000-08:00

febraury is almost over, which means the reading of calvin miller's into the depths of God should be over too. well, this is not the case. there were definitely things i liked about this book, but truly, the emotionalism of this book is a bit too much for this thinker-turned-feeler. i have too many feelings to add reading a book about them onto it. maybe i'll pick this book up again in another six years. or maybe not.

so what book does march bring? well, if it's on my shelf, i'll be mentally and spiritually consuming the problem of pain by c.s. lewis. despite his armenian views, he has a deep understanding of many things of God and i believe i can learn from him, even if i disagree with his stance on certain theological views.

i'm looking forward to this book because there is a lot of suffering around me. some dear friends are going through the ringer, i watch people progressively and, essentially, slowly die at work, and i see such a large portion of my family suffering in their chains. this doesn't even address those around the world who suffer daily and constantly because of their conviction to follow Jesus. suffering, while completely biblical and wonderful, is something i find myself struggling through. i hope that this book will aid my understanding of suffering and teach this confused heart how to cope. (yes, ultimately, i know Jesus is the only One who can do this, but books can aid the process).

so, welcome to you march....two days early.

another one bites the dust

2011-02-26T17:37:00.000-08:00

i received a text this afternoon that one of my good friends is engaged.

that is my seventh friend/acquaintance to get engaged in the past two weeks. and this doesn't include all my already engaged friends, (i'm looking at five weddings this year already). needless to say, i'm a little overwhelmed.

and i am feeling very single.

a week of firsts

2011-02-17T19:29:00.000-08:00

i really like to have adventures. now, don't limit this wonderful word adventure; adventure encompasses many a' thing. one thing i consider an adventure is trying or experiencing something new. this week has been filled with "firsts." let me tell you about them:

today is the first day that i can officially be called a critical care nurse! i am now ekg and acls certified!! this, my friends, is crazy! the state of california not only believes i can give some heavy duty medications and perform procedures, but now i can officially run a code. while the likelihood of me running a code is slim, i'm not sure they quite know what they're doing.
i received my first "love note." okay, he never said he "loved" me, but he did ask me to call him and gave me his digits. best part of the story-it was one of my patients! hahaha. (for the record, he was mentally totally there, only 41 y/o, and a nice guy). it was a funny situation that i hope i won't have to face again.
i received my first piece of mail to my new apartment just for me. this made me smile.
i'll be calling in sick for the first time since i've been a nurse on my own....and i'm not sick. (whahahah) i do need a mental health day and will enjoy it thoroughly!
i went out with my new coworkers in a social setting. it was good! i am blessed with a great new grad cohort!
on this outing, i went to a bar. like, a legit bar. it was not the most glamorous "first" i've experienced. however, now i feel more like an adult.
last night, i stood in the rain intentionally, even when it turned into a hail. (ok, i've done this one before, but it was still pretty awesome, so i needed to share)

well, that's it for now. i'm excited to update you on more firsts in my life!

the female-species

2011-02-11T13:22:00.000-08:00

some days, i hate being a woman. this isn't really news to most of you. i complain about various things regarding womanhood. there are wonderful things in being a member of the female-species, but nonetheless, sometimes it sucks. but today, i would like to bring your attention to a magnificent woman.

her name: amaaa mahfouz.

her claim to fame: being instrumental in orchestrating a revolution.

to ms. mahfouz i say, well done! you make me proud to be a woman.

conviction

2011-02-11T09:11:00.000-08:00

a friend put some abbreviated sermons on my ipod a couple of years ago. i decided to listen to a few by john piper today. the first one that played was his "famous" section on the prosperity gospel. (it's a titch dramatic here with the music behind it, but you get the picture.) when i saw that come up, i was like, "okay, this will be a good reminder. i surely don't preach this gospel."

oh, how God must have been shaking His head at my arrogance.

i'm not saying i tell people, "love and accept Jesus and He'll give you a nice car," but sometimes i live my life that way. i don't live in the reality moment by moment that Christ is all-sufficient.

then brother john quotes the following verse:

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

psalm 73:25-26

and then states the following:

"God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in Him,

in the midst of loss,

not prosperity."

how foolish i am.

may i come to a place of repentance over my attitude and view of God over the past few months. and may i worship Him because He is enough.

Diary of a Crazy White Woman

be encouraged, believer!

a paleo new year

happy new year?

christmas encouragement

re-focus

world AIDS day

christmas music

more stories: taking a break

the basket

more stories: hospital immanuel

musings

More Stories: university

jams

More Stories: Motorcycle

real life: part 1B

real life: part one

More Stories: prayer night

More Stories: Kampung

You are faithful

More Stories Monday

update three

mini-update

update two

Update One

virtual support letter

story of my life

muggin'

10 on 10: Margarita Madness edition

blessings

times, they are a changin'

mad about mugs

BUTTON!

test

CAUTION: construction

say hello to my little friend

ebenezer: adulthood

it's been a while

roadtrip

it's not that complicated

take me out to the ball game

my mama

July: 10 on 10

not promoting weight loss

a GIANT obsession

June: 10 on 10

concert reflections

leave of absence

ingrid bergman

whoa dang

10 on 10

a year in journal world

what i wore wednesday

goal failure

10 reasons why i love shotguns

our God saves

10 on 10...sorta

a much needed boosh

unread: 24

holi

He restores my soul

another plan that didn't come to fruition

sleepless in san francisco

uh oh

new goal

practice

today at work

in the pit

book update

another one bites the dust

a week of firsts

the female-species

conviction