whoa.

i'd never thought about this before. thanks.

Mr. Ralph Winter

i just found out that Mr. Ralph Winter passed on May 20 as i took time to catch up on my desiring God blogs. for this blog and more information on mr. winter, please go here.

i remember when this man spoke at cbu to a few students and faculty. i simply remember being blown away by the humility and passion of this man. when i took the perspectives class the following spring, i realized that this same man helped write the curriculum for the course. so to mr. winter, this blog is dedicated, although the appropriate homage given to him is not in full.

i'm back...i think

well, i've been back in the states for six days now and haven't felt like blogging, or anything really. our trip was humbling, to say the least, and i'm still processing so much of what happened.

dear friend told me once that if i say i have a heart for God's heart, i must love more than india and its people. with this in mind, i went to africa, ready to be broken for the people, the hurt, and the joy. while that indeed happened, i must not forget those on my team, people God also has a heart for that i too often neglected. i praise God that He bestows so much grace on me and has forgiven me of my all too often fleshly behavior. i rejoice because He was glorified in rwanda.

that may not have made sense, but maybe it will when i get around to blogging the trip. for now, reverse culture shock takes the form of apathy and withdrawl as i desire sleep and silence more than anything. maybe the reason i have not fully processed the experience is because i am afraid to/afraid of what i will feel and how i will react. God will give me the strength in this weakness in His timing.

until then, i am looking for a job because after only five days at home, the dad relationship is already tense. i beg you to pray for him. pray that my dad's heart would be utterly broken for God and that he would "accept" the grace of the Lord with sincerity. my cbu friends, i cannot wait to hug you in whatever context we next meet, whether for a moment or for days. if y'all are up in the bay area, don't hesitate to give me a call!!!

leavin on a jet plane

tomorrow, i leave with fifteen other students, one family member, and two amazing faculty members to rwanda, africa. i have the privilege to serve there for three weeks. our main objective is to shine the light of Christ in a land that is still going through restoration. we will also be teaching about health care, working in a clinic, and teaching vbs. what an honor to serve the Lord in this way!!!

i won't have internet access/i won't be paying for internet access, so please feel free to check out updates about our team here.

i have a lot to say about so many of my close friends graduating this weekend, but have no had a computer or the time to blog. girls, i am SO proud of you and have loved spending the last four years walking with God with you!

THIS is what it means

a week ago, the ISP folks got together to perform skits and watch short films that we had done in order to raise money and educate our family and friends about our trips overseas this summer. this event is called "night of nations" (for my non-cbu readers, few though you may be). skits range from extremely funny to quite serious. the rwanda nursing teams, (the teams i get to be a part of), decided to take a serious spin on things and performed an "interpretive dance" with this song and video playing beind us. i am still quite proud of my team for taking this task seriously and for allowing the Holy Spirit to work through them so mightily. i praise God for the opportunity to dive into the pain and triumph of the people, specifically the women, of rwanda who survived the genocide and now seek healing.

here is a snippit of what we did:

RWANDA!

I can't believe me and seveteen other amazing individuals leave for Rwanda in 12 days!!!! I am so stoked for how God will use us. I ask that you continue to pray for us as we finish our stressful finals (we are all nursing students) and continue to seek after time to truly spend with God. Also, please pray for our time on the field. Pray that we would be fruitful in planting a healthy harvest and that we would allow God to work through us in any way that He desires, whether through a simple touch or through suffering in dire circumstances. As paul says in philippians: "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death."

Thank you for partnering with our team in this way! more requests to come as the day comes closer....

peace

this semester seems to have been filled with a lot of pain. while i am not a direct recipient of some of these circumstances, i feel a connection with many people who did/are going through so much.

matthew henry wrote:

"When Christ was about to leave the world he made his will; his soul he committed to his Father; his body he bequeathed to Joseph of Arimathea; his clothes fell to the soldiers; his mother he left to the care of John. But what should he leave to his disciples, that had left all for him? Silver and gold he had none; but he left them that which was infinitely better, his peace."

but it gets better. i was reading psalm 46 the other day and it had a different meaning after the previous words.

"God is our refuge and strength,
a very help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Come, behold the works of the LORD,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
'Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!'
The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah"

as we, Christ's disciples, are still before God, He is exalted in a beautiful because He takes control and we displayed the peace that Christ left. i am aware that Christ also left the Holy Spirit and said "they will know you are Christians by your love," but isn't this amazing? by having the peace of the Lord, we share Christ in a miraculous way.