it's 6:27 am

and i've been at work for an hour. it's almost like having a real job. but not all at the same time.

while i wait for patrons to roll in and as i sip my venti drip coffee to somehow ease my swollen and almost beefy-red throat, i thought i would blog. here are some thoughts:

• i've said it before, but the creator of starbucks is a genious! way to charge $4 for espresso, milk, and some flavoring. did you make a $3 profit?
• i hate church bulltins. or is it the programs that i mean? you know, those folded pieces of  paper you get when you go to oh so many churches in the u.s. a lot of them are even in color now. does the body of Christ really need to be spending money on something that everyone is going to through away?
• i love facebook chat. i'm able to have at least a pretend convo with friends i can't see in person and that it would be kinda awk to have a phone conversation with (mostly because i'm awkward and hate talking on the phone). it makes me sad facebook chat is a no-can-do at work.
• i feel stupid when i make a simple mistake. yesterday at work, my drawer was $3 short. how does that happen?! i didn't take it, and we deal with five dollar increments (like lap swim-$5.50, caps-$5). i think it was a needed blow to my pride.
• God's faithfulness is incomparable. to the world, there would be lots of cause for stress in my life. i'll admit, i let it get the better of me at times (like when i think too much about boards), but God proves Himself faithful again and again and again and again....well, you get the idea. i was getting nervous about not getting a job and with my mom out of work for a month (and potentially longer) i've been feeling like a free-loafer. but God is faithful and is allowing me to have a job interview! why did i doubt, even for a moment?
• i've been sick for about 2 weeks now. it's viral, so no drugas for me. i thought i was getting better, but nope. i guess some of my teammates have been sick for longer (like, while we were on the field and still since we've been back). well done, immune system.
• i haven't exercised for three days in a row now. and i feel it. ugh, i feel gross. i wanted to work early mornings cause i thought i'd be able to workout while i guarded. turns out, i'm doing office most of the time. i'll have to find another time to workout cause this lazy-bumb thing ain't workin
• i made thank-you notes for my trip. i enjoyed looking through the photos and remembering fun and funny things. it was hard to some up what happened in a few lines, but i pray God is glorified through those lines!
• i miss riverside. i know, i know. it's my choice to be in the bay. i think wat i really miss are the close friendships i have there. i know, i've got amazing friends here, too, but i feel i left just as things were getting started. i was just making some awesome connections with some awesome people in my church family in riverside, and it seems like the Lord is moving through that body in a very unique and exciting way. one of my besties (and beasties) just got engaged and i'm not there to celebrate with her. my friends are becoming rn's and i can't celebrate with them. my friends are coming and going from serving the Lord overseas and i can't hear their stories. but God is faithful. i am here for this season and for a purpose. maybe i'm to grow in intentionality. maybe i am to refine and grow the friendships i have here. maybe i'm to learn something besides celebration.

these are the thoughts for now. completely random, but what else do you expect from a crazy, white woman?



until next time

urg

i knew that these days would come. i just never know when or how bad they will be.

my dad is driving me CRAZY!

he thinks he owns the world and that everything he every says or does is right. this is what one would call "lying to oneself."

more than ever, i am looking forward to moving out. i'm over him trying to fix things that i don't want fixed and i'm over him not contributing anything but grief to my mom.

i need a better attitude. i need to choose to love him because God loves him. this is one of those things i've struggled with for years. intervention at any time, God, would be great.

until next time

crazy love-part 2

 as i mentioned in an earlier blog, i'm ready crazy love by francis chan.  it's a weighty book, but God is using it to  convict me of my all too often selfish, lukewarm attitude. i want to change and am praying earnestly that the Lord will change my heart, thus allowing me to choose more God-glorifying and God-loving actions and attitudes.

francis (we are now on a first-name basis...) talks about how God has commanded us to rejoice in Him and to love Him above everything else. intellectually, i get that; practically, i struggle.

today will be a good day to rely on the Lord and rejoice in Him since it's my first full day back at the pool after a summer's break. i'm nervous and freaked out, but am looking forward to how God will reveal Himself through my weakness and obedience.

planner....no more?

i'm a planner. planning enables me to feel in control. planning makes me feel accomplished. planning is something i do without thinking. my strongest trait in meyer's briggs is j-judging/scheduling. 

but then i went to south asia.

something was different this time. yes, i had a schedule and yes, i had things to get done, but the stress that usually comes with being on task was not ever-present. i love how the people say "ke garne," or what to do? i mean, i had no control over what happened while i was there; i could only control my attitude and actions. please believe, that was hard enough. 

now that i'm back in the states, i've hated being scheduled. i haven't made a single "to do" list and i've barely used my planner. i know, right? what's wrong with me? what happened to the girl with lists and lists, and post-it after post-it in my planner? 

i kinda hope she's gone. i mean, sure, i still have my work schedule written down or important dates like boards, but i'm loving calling/texting people and then hanging out the same day. i'm loving the feeling of freedom that comes from not being confined to a "to-do" list. i think i lost this part of me in nursing school. i'm glad that it is coming back.

i don't think i'll ever stop planning. it's part of who i am. God has enabled me to plan and be organized. but i'm thrilled that i don't feel trapped by schedules and overwhelmed with to-do's. i'm excited about waiting on God and trusting in His faithfulness.

until next time

learning to love

God's love is amazing!

and i rarely understand it.

at church in riverside quite a few months ago, the pastor challenged us to live out God's command of "love your enemy". he said when you encounter someone that cuts you off or a bad relationship at work, love that person instead of cursing them. 

wow, i suck at this. i want things my way and for my good. i don't consciously make an effort to love people who don't love me back. 

but i've been commanded to.

moreover, i should want to.

so i prayed. i prayed that God would teach me more how to love. that He would teach me more about His love. that i would fall in love with Him again.

welp, ask and you will receive. i've been challenge to love in a new way. overseas, i had to love people i didn't want to love. i didn't do it well, but when i asked God to help me love, He did. through my weakness, He was proved strong. at home, i have to love my dad even though it's one of the hardest things i've been called to do. but i'm learning.

most of my close friends have read through crazy love. francis chan loves God and it is evident in his life. but why?

i just watched this video.

watch it!

so i'm on this journey to love more. and i just failed again in loving people. is it because i'm task driving? is it because i'm too self-absorbed? is it because i just don't care?

change my heart, God. help me to love the people you have created and that you love dearly. most of all, help me to love you and seek you deeply.

to my other kimberlee

yes, i have been blessed with two, that's right, two dear friends named kimberlee. so this blog is for my dear friend kimberlee, (kim, or kimburger, ya know, whatev).

(sadly, i could not find a picture of us together. this will happen very soon!)

Ode to Kimberlee

This is my ode to Kimberlee:

a friend since birth,

and a friend who drinks my tea.

Kimberlee likes to laugh and smile.

From Bible study to Hume to Mississippi-

gotta love the Pink Palace and them crocodile.

So to this Kimberlee I send much love.

Even though I mistakenly call or text you,

I know you will never give me the shove.

until next time

reasons to live overseas

i got to thinkin, "gee, people think i'm crazy for wanting to live overseas. but-cha-know, i think they are crazy!"

so, to prove my point, i will be making an ongoing list of benefits to living overseas. here are some to get it started:

    1) you walk everywhere. my butt will sure look good...

    2) the rules of the road are, honk so people know you are there, and keep driving!

   3) fellowship is cherished.

4) there is a plethora of free tea served daily.

    5) friendships start because you are a foreigner. it's like insta-friends everywhere!

6) in order to help the economy and be a witness, you get to have a house-helper. ie-no vacuuming for me!

     7) there is always something new to experience!

8) public transportation is the norm....and it's an adventure trying to figure it out.

    9) matching is typically a relative term.

   10) being "late" is normal. good conversations don't have to end just to get to a new one.

this is what i've got for now. it will be an ongoing list that y'all are welcome to add to!

until next time