the desert

i know, this blog title isn't new. i used to think riverside was my desert, that life was dry and i longed to be able to serve Jesus in a more real way. "if only i could be in the work place," i would plea.

i had no idea how good i had it!

i was constantly surrounded by friends, like-minded believers, and wiser people than me that pushed me to look at the world and Jesus differently.

now, i see my friends a couple of times a week, i spend 1.5hrs a day in a car, and am surrounded by no one at work who is like-minded.

this is a desert.

and it seems that i have another 40 years to go.

don't misunderstand me. i love the serious, ridiculous, and edifying times with my church family. i love being able to worship while driving in a beautiful part of california. i love being challenged to live sacrificially in my workplace and be Jesus to people.

but this is an interim time. 

i long to be overseas, (my earthly promise land, if you will). learning language, eating food that makes me pee out my butt, using squatty potties, relying on the Spirit in ways that i can't even imagine, having spiritual conversations without awkwardness......the list goes on.

but i'm not there yet. 

it feels like i'm waiting just outside, eager to enter the land of promise.

God's timing is perfect. i know that. God never fails; i know that, too. but to live that out in mundane of life is butt-hard! 

here i wait.

here i listen to the Spirit.

here i learn.

here i worship.

nurses are...

after being surrounded by nurses most of my life, but in a more concentrated setting the last three months, i think it's time to share some of my observations

 

• nurses have are obsessive compulsive. we have to have things our way, but no two nurses do things the same way. famous line for nurses, "well, that's not how I do it." yea, i know. 
• nurses are also borderline. how you might ask? well, have you been in a nurse's break room? everyone is all smiles when the manager or charge nurse is in there, but as soon as they leave, the griping begins. lovely.
• so many nurses are single or divorced. what's the deal with that?  
• nurses must be a.d.d. not only are there routine, daily tasks, but a nurse must conquer the random, out of the blue happenings that occur everyday. between falls, admissions and discharges, new orders, patients leaving for hours when they are supposed to be getting a dressing change, and the occasional argument with the physician, life as a nurse really is a box of chocolates.
• people share major life events with nurses. birth, birthdays, terminal diagnoses, death. this is an honor that nurses, including myself, all too often forget.
• nurses can be real, well, um, bitches. i mean, have you seen two nurses from different units get together? it's like the sharks and jets reunion or something.
• nurses function in the conflict styles of accommodator/confronter. we accommodate our patients to the best of our ability, but get in our way or mess with our patients, we will get all hyphie on ya.
• nurses deal with incredible emotional stress. one minute, you see a patient getting better and getting ready to be discharged. on your next shift, you find out that they've been admitted to the i.c.u. with a g.i. bleed and it's only "a matter of time" before they pass. (no wonder so many in my profession are alcoholics)
• a majority of the nurses i've encounter call themselves christians. their actions all too often don't reflect it.

i know these observations aren't true of all nurses, but it's what i've seen in myself and others.  the last one is the scariest to me. i hope that people see Christ in my life, and that i will be able to share Him with my fellow odd-ball professionals.

rainy season

i'm not used to the rain anymore. after living in riverside, aka a desert, for 5 years, i'm unaccustomed to cold weather, especially rain.

i really do love the rain, but i don't find myself being able to truly enjoy it since i've started working. 

today, i took the opportunity to enjoy it. no, i didn't sit or run around in the rain all afternoon, (although i might still do that...). rather, i got snuggled up in sweats, a hoodie, and blankets, lit some candles, and drank some vanilla ruiboos tea. to top it off, i spent some good time with my Father. i really can't think of a better day to spend a rainy sabbath. thank You, Jesus, for allowing that to happen!

follower of Jesus

this is how i try to identify myself when someone asks me what i believe. i get a lot of eyebrow raises and confused faces, especially in san fran, but it's good.

about a year ago, i got it in my head that i needed to memorize the sermon on the mount. i mean, it's a concentrated group of teachings of the One i claim to follow. it seems logical that i should know what He teaches if i am going to follow Him. (disclaimer: i by no means think anyone needs to memorize this portion of scripture to gain salvation or a better standing with God. it was just something it seemed that the Spirit was pressing on my heart). 

so, about a week ago, (guilty face and clearing of my throat), i actually started memorizing these chapters. well, i'm only through verse 12(ish) of chapter 5, but God is already using it!

i was working on memorizing it at work and had at least 3 spiritual conversations! Praise HIM! when i get discouraged or when it seems like my co-workers keep me out of conversations because they know i follow Him, i am comforted of the eternality of Christ.

the verse that has been on my heart and mind the most is matthew 5:6-Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

 

 

satisfied:  content; paid or discharged in full, as a debt or obligation.

 

 

i don't search a prideful, self-centered righteousness. i can do that any day. but i long to thirst and hunger for righteousness that comes from God (philippians 3:9), for only in the righteousness of Christ will i be satisfied; He paid my debt, He alone makes me clean, He alone can satisfy (or make content) my all-too-often parched soul.

i challenge you to memorize scripture. you are "forced" to repeat and dwell on holy words that alone satisfy.

the radical experiment-part 2

so basically, i've sucked at this.

1. pray for the entire world

i've sucked at praying for the nations daily.

2. read through the entire scripture

 

i've been reading through the Bible chronologically.

 

 

 

 

3. sacrfice your money for a specific purpose

 

sacrifice? can you define that please?

 

4. spend your time in another context

 

i've been making plans to go overseas in august/september.

 

5. commit your life to multiplying community

 

i go to chipotle sunday and Bible study. can i multiple those that eat chipotle? 

so this hasn't been going so well. i never realized how much intentionality it would take to stay committed to these things. but i hope that i will have a partner in this experiment (and that we can consistently get together to do these things) and that we will be able to provide accountability.

post-october thoughts

i wrote this blog before the month of october started. now time for the post-test.

i spent 4/5 weekends of this month out of town. i was gonna call it "three weddings and a funeral," but it's too soon. instead, "three weddings and a work day" will have to remain as the title. 

• i successfully attend three of my good friends' weddings. the first, in bakersfield. i got to use my federal employement for a sick discount at a hotel, got to catch up with some great nursing friends, and spend some much needed time with Jesus during my 8 hours in the car. 
• the next weekend, i headed to riverside and was in one of my best friend's wedding. it was a honor to stand with this woman as she committed to serve and honor one of my dear brothers! that weekend was a bit of a fiasco between rental cars, hotel reservations, trying to hang out with other friends, and my mind in ten other places. but the Lord showed His strength and faithfulness every step of the way!
• the next weekend i attended another wedding in riverside. that weekend got off to a bit of a stressful start, but i was able to spend a night catching up with a dear friend in fres-yes (member of the PTC) and then saying farewell to another friend who will be serving overseas for more time than i care to admit. (i'm in denial-jealously).
• the following weekend, i took a mini-road trip with a long-time friend to sacramento. we went to serve with some friends at a work day/beautification project in del paso heights. it was a blessing and joy to do physical labor for the Lord again! hope, we are SO going next year! it was also such a blessing to play nertz until 2am and laugh a whole lot with good friends!
• that sunday, ang and i drove back to san mateo and i was able to attend my first am service with hope church of san mateo. i really have no words to describe how amazing that service was, except that it felt right.
•   the fifth weekend of october i spent at work. yep, that's about all on that weekend.

the month was truly an emotional rollercoaster. i cried more in this month than i have the entire year combined, (and probably the last 2 years combined if i really think about it), but i laughed and celebrated more than the year combined as well.

lessons confronted with: trust God, for He alone is faithful.  i don't know if i've wholeheartedly learned this, (and probably never will), but i am glad that the Lord hasn't given up reminding me of Him. i pray He never does.

october, you were good times, but i'm ready to move on. until next year....

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