a paleo new year

no, i'm not going to do be doing the paleo diet, but you're supposed to eat raw food. and this post is kinda raw. i really want to write a cute, fancy blog post about the year in review and the coming year. when that will happen, i know not.

what i do know is that i have a lot of raw thoughts that i need to get out. so here we go.

when i think of the last year, i think too much of the waste the happened. consumed by lack of weight loss and heart break, a new job and a new living situation, i missed out on so much. not necessarily experiences with people; i had a lot of good times. but i missed out on a lot of sweet time with Jesus. i regret that. i regret letting circumstances cloud my view of the Perfect, most all-satisfying One.

i wish i could say that this year will be different. i pray that it is. i pray that the resolve i feel now will bleed into the coming year, the days and hours that are to come. but i just don't know. this type A personality i possess longs for things to go the way i plan, but i know they won't because the Lord doesn't work like that.

so instead of making lofty goals and big strides for things i want to accomplish this coming year, i'm just gonna strive for one thing: to see and experience Him. i want sitting at the feet of Jesus to be my priority again. i want to be consumed with joy and love for Him. i want these things selfishly, because it feels good. it feels right. but also because i know i am useless for His kingdom if unity with Him does not exist. 

i enter this year with more burdens then i can remember from previous years, but i also enter it with an expectant hope, knowing that He who called us is faithful.

Trust in the LORD, and do good;
   dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 Commit your way to the LORD;
   trust in him, and he will act.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
   and your justice as the noonday.

 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
   fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
   over the man who carries out evil devices! 

psalm 37:2-7