Saturday, December 26, 2009


i saw invictus today and it was really good! i was missing africa, especially the kids, within the first five minutes of the movie. my sister, who's been to south africa, said it's fairly accurate to the attitudes of the countrymen, but still unrealistic in many ways.

but i was paying a lot of attention to matt damon's role. at first, all i cared about was how good he looked in a rugby uniform, because, please believe, he looks real good in a rugby uniform. but my mind kept going back and forth between my experiences in rwanda and matt damon's character. see, he plays the team captain that, of course, plays a crucial part in uniting the team and helping them see what a big role they will play in uniting the country. his teammates called him "capi," (get it? short for captain?). he had this important intermediary role of mediating between team and coach, springbok organization and president mandela.


it all made sense! so often i had had the picture in my head that i should be the tendon while being a student leader of an isp team, connecting two separate entities, muscle and bone. but this never made sense to me practically. the idea of a team captain, though-oh my-what sense that makes! i look forward to this new phase of research as i dive into what a team captain's role is and how to practically carry that out, how to mediate between coach and team, but still be play on the team.

i'm excited because i'm on a high from a movie. i'm nervous because i've always sucked at sports-why should this be any different?

a quick update

i'm not sure who really reads this, but i thought i better make a quick update.

i went up to visit family this past week, specifically the aunt who lost her husband just over a week ago. she is doing well and so is the family. one of my uncles, who is not a follower or a believer, said we must all be doing so well with it "because of our religion." interesting. welp, he gets it-at least kinda.

it kinda sucks being at home. the lack of personal space and independence is starting to grind on me and that, in turn, grinds on the fam.

well, off to see invictus with the seester and cousin!

Friday, December 18, 2009


i left my computer in IT over break in hopes that they could fix the wireless, which probably won't happen. so i'm using my sister's computer over break.

i was trying to find a potential family photo to use for a christmas card, (that's right folks, we STILL haven't done one yet), and i happened upon some amazing pics. here are a few of my favs:

my seester and i drinkin date shakes, something we did as kids

my roommate from last year and probably the best ra ever

my cousin and one of my aunts in redding

my gammy and i at my "uncle's" memorial

my seester and i at joshua tree

ok, the best are yet to come....

my seester and dad choppin down the tree last year

me and the momma at the tree farm last year (she cracks me up!)

my uncle "jack" as he likes to me known as (as in jack ass)

and truly the best photo EVER!

my dad. i literally laughed out loud.

anyway, these are the narrowed down bunch. i hope the brighten your day!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

(insert title here)

my dad called about two hours ago and told me my uncle died.

two uncles in one year. awesome.

i haven't cried yet. this time it was more expected. he has been sick for a long time. but dude, i still can't believe it.

i rejoice greatly that when i think about this man, i think of matthew 5:5 when Jesus says, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." or even romans 12:16 and 18, "Live in harmony..." and "live peaceably with all."

i rejoice that he loves Jesus and acknowledges Him not only as Savior, but as Lord!

i rejoice that God took a hold of his life for a purpose.

however, my heart aches for my aunt and my family who seem so far away right now. i don't want to finish finals, but i want to race to redding to see them and pray with them and simple be. no, we weren't super close. i'm sure my sister and mom are tore up, but it doesn't make the pain any less. i must find strength and peace that God will comfort them in ways that i never can.

there. i cried.

blessed are

i love reading through books of the Bible at different times of my life. no matter how many times i read philippians, i get something new from it. the Word truly is, living and active!

i'm headed to south asia and to prepare to not only share the gospel in a dark place, but to help lead a team, i wanted to have "stories" and ways about Jesus fresh in my mind. i didn't know what gospel to start in, so my friend suggested matthew and we're reading it together. (ps-she recently posted a blog in regards to matthew as well and it's WAY more articulate! check it out!)


it's not like i haven't read matthew before. at fbc we spent how many years studying it together? how many times have i heard the event of john the baptist blasting the pharisies? how many times have i read and heard about Jesus being tempted in the wilderness? (ps-have you read this lately? another AMAZING section of scripture that is totally overlooked and underplayed!) the themes are already so beautiful and i'm only on chapter five!

i keep getting caught up in the "blessed" passages, more commonly known as "the beatitudes" (whatever the heck that means).

in church on sunday, sean talked about verse nine:

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

i am not a peacemaker. i do not intentionally go out of my way to create peace in my life. but i should.

but i read this section again and was utterly moved by verse eight:

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

in the summer, i went to a conference about killing sin and pursuing holiness. a few months ago i went to a retreat and we talked a little bit about holiness. pursuing holiness. the pure in heart. dude, i'm no scholar, but this seem connected to me. i suck at so much! i praise God that He continues to teach me about it and that He hasn't left me in my sin, but i want to be so stripped of impurities, no matter how small!!! i know it isn't possible now, but i hate sin. i hate that i think it's good at times.

my new prayer:

"Lord, i want to see you; make me pure of heart."

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


december marks the remembrance of many important dates. below are a few. for more, go here.

12/1-world AIDs day
12/7-Pearl Harbor Remembrance day
12/21-winter solstace
12/25-celebration of the birth of the Christ
12/31-new years eve

most importantly is of course the commemoration of the birth of Christ. without this birth, there would be no reconciliation, no grace, no forgiveness. truly, this is a miracle of monstrous proportions.

because of this amazing, unmatchable gift, i have the privelege of going overseas this summer with isp. i'll be headed to south asia with an amazing team! oh Lord, how you continue to bless me despite my doubts and fears! i cannot fathom your greatness!!!

i cannot believe that this time has come again. i am excited and scared to be leading this team of amazing people in even a small way.

i'm sure so many more blogs about this experience will come.

Friday, December 4, 2009

may 2010

this may, i'll be going out of the country again. God is allowing me to go somewhere i have never been before and i'm super excited! it just hit me how intense this experience be. and i'm so excited!!! i've loved my past experiences overseas. my teams have challenged me, the cultures have rocked me, and the Lord has broken me.

this year, i will be physically challenged like never before. i will have to face some things i haven't wanted to face in a group of people, basically ever. i'm student leading and feel so honored to be doing so. i want to pee my pants, though. i'm going to have to set aside my ideals of a high power distance and discuss things with my faculty co-leaders. ahh!! i will have to set aside my pride like never before and serve with humility and selflessness in a new way.

i don't know what's in store for me or my team this semester, but i'm so looking forward to God moving mighily through us! i can't wait to kick some hiking butt!!!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

the cross

the title is way more epic than this blog will be.

i'm in the library trying to pump out the last page of a paper about american indians and their health, but i made an almost tragic mistake that lead me to blog. i started listening to shane and shane to block out the chatty cathies next to me.

the song that that led to my "downfall:" it is well with my soul. live from the passion conference.

the one line that struck me like never before: "it is nailed to the cross and i bear it no more"

so why do i live as if i do? why do i convince myself that sin is easier?

oh no, it is dead. it crucified with Christ. may i learn to let it be dead. may i learn to live in the absolute wonder of the living Christ!