today started out great. but by 1630 (or 4:30pm) i was over it. in fact, i was pissed off and in tears. essentially, my preceptor told me that my work wasn't professional and that i was not properly advocating for my patients because i wasn't assertive enough.
thoroughly crush, i walked quickly to my car, called a nurse-friend, and balled. i know i am not aggressive, but does that mean i'm not assertive?
characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like;
militantly forward or menacing
confidently aggressive or self-assured; positive
so occording to dictionary.com, aggressive and assertive are too different things. and i don't think i'm either of them. i am not aggressive. i never want to be. it is not Christ like.
but i think i can be assertive and still display Christ. it says, "positive," and "confidently aggressive." but i know this is what i truly lack in my nursing-confidence. but i'm okay with that. i've only been on this unit seven days and performing patient care for three of those days. i had two patients on the step-down unit and i had to perform tasks and advocate for patients in ways i haven't had to yet. so no, i'm going to be confident.
but dearest preceptor, would you give me a chance? could you let me prove to you that you don't have to be....well, uh, a bitch.....to advocate well for your patient?