Monday, October 26, 2009

why i go.

i have so much to blog about, but sincerely, i don't have time to write that long of a blog right now.

john piper posted this on his facebook. look at, cry, see the lostness.

i'm not taking a stance for or against the war, but i am taking a stance on the nations, the ethnos. people in those pictures are lost. they have no hope. they have no true King to worship and submit to. that is why i cry. this is why i go.

i'm not trying to play on your emotions, but i want you to see what i see. i want to beg for God to be merciful to them, not by stopping the bombing, but by sending workers to the ripe, rotting harvest. i want you to examine your heart earnestly and be able to tell me that "God really has you here."

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

First of all, I'm sorry I've been such a pood as of late. My attitude needs to change and I know it. I'm really failing at trying to fix it myself; could you please lend an incredibly strong hand? I'm also incredibly sorry for not staying focused on You, but letting the things of this world consume me, things like school, frustrating situations, lack of human interaction, and concerns for the future. Jesus, thank You for reminding me today that You are SO present. You are too good. Thank You for being faithful despite my infidelity.

Jesus, thank You for these hard times. Thank You that you love me enough to try me, to teach me, to rebuke me. Earnestly I ask that You continue, that we continue along this path. Jesus, never let me forget the cross and the debt that so many might be made holy. Never let me forget such priceless grace.

Thank You, again, dearest Lord and Savior!

Saved by Your Blood Alone,

Friday, October 16, 2009

i just can't wait

i know i've been blogging like crazy the past few days, but it seems to be a good way to express what i'm feeling.

over the past few days, my love and longing for india have been renewed. i want to go back so badly, i truly cannot contain this desire as of late. so, God allowed the psycho reiki lady came to our class and reminded me about the seriousness of the spiritual warfare that is going on in india. the next day, i got some gnarly diarrhea that was quite reminiscent of dehli belly. today, a friend sent me a video reminding me, in the way a defibrillator reminds the heart to beat properly, the persecution that runs rampant in my dear india.

i love interacting with people in india. i love eating the tikka masala and biriani. i even love bartering-to an extent. i love talking about spiritual things and Jesus in every day conversation. i love storying. but God is good. He doesn't want me falling in love with a culture or living in a fairy-tale understanding of this place that has captured my heart, even if it was because of its lostness. how marvelous He is to remind me of the sucky parts.

but i love my desire to go only increases. praise God that He is strong in my weakness!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

from pure hatred to intuition consultation

this has been a really hard week. my nursing friends and i were discussing how we feel like we don't have restorative sleep, feel as if we want to sleep all day, and are in a constant state of alert. this is never good. never. we have two clinicals a week and the clinical group i found myself in seems to get screwed all the time, particularly this semester. from multiple clinical instructors, to no home visits and no guidelines and hard grading, to saying we don't critically think, it seems as if anger has been my primary response.

and i hate it.

truly loathe it. God has called us to rejoice in suffering and to praise His name through circumstances through trusting and relying on Him. i'm not doing that. i'm trying to do things in my strength and i am failing miserably. i'm teaching children's church on sunday and this just happens to be the topic. ironic or God ordained? hmmm.

today, i found out one of my professors has cancer. suck. for the last two weeks in class, we've been learning about alternative therapies, and the last two weeks we've had a "reiki" person/master/crap-artist teaching us about energy. basically, it's hinduism with Jesus thrown in. i don't care if she has believes in some energy crap, (well, i do, but that's another blog), but honestly, why must Jesus be distorted through this belief? why must Jesus' name, again, be defamed!?

these are my stressors. i want them gone. i the peace of Christ that passes all understanding to once again overtake all that i am so as to reflect Christ! i want to love even when it is the hardest thing to do! and i want to see Jesus exalted through this craziness called nursing school!

Monday, October 12, 2009


i thought i hadn't blogged in oh so long. truly, it had only been about nine days. oh well. here's what's up:

-still no bike, but hopefully so soon.
-almost caught up on three seasons of 30 Rock. thanks courtney for the revelation and kenneth for setting an example for us all.
-tendinitis is worse. suck.
-i still love ice cream.
-i have struggled with whether or not to go to east asia for christmas. i'm not going. wait, i'm going. nope, not going.
-i think i need a haircut.
-i had my first day in icu-at last-and it was strangely enjoyable. strange.
-i feel disconnected from God too often. i love when sean (senior pastor) prayed that we would have our minds unclouded so that we could see God better. ugh-amazing.
-learned about this weird thing called reiki in one of my class. its so wrong, especially when Jesus is tagged onto it.
-i'm passing my classes with about half of 1/5 of total assignments turned in. this is a marathon, not a sprint...
-can't wait to be home in just over a month to spend time with rg.
-i started looking for jobs already. it's a disease.
-yesterday, i got to hang out with some of the besties and eat pumpkin bar/cake things and listen to theology was all about legalism. talk about good times.
-i wish i could fit into my black capris.
-i'm so glad it's actually fall-ish here so i don't have to wear my capris.

that's about it. lots of work and such ahead. can't wait to come home and fellowship and feel like this part of my life (ie school) is over. i love learning and i am so grateful for having the ability to learn, but dude, i feel stunted in this place-and that sucks major.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

love hate relationships

i'm currently in four:

India: this one is well known. i blog about it often. i LOVE the people, the food, the ever-changing smells consumed while on an auto. i HATE the treatment of people, the starvation, the smell of feces and utter lostness.

Verizon: silly, but here we go. i LOVE that i can make a call pretty much anywhere. i HATE that i feel like i get ripped off every time i go into the store because my objective for going in was not really met.

Nursing School:
while i may not have blogged about this relationship, it is ever present in my life. i LOVE learning, my profs, and meeting and working with people who need healing and restoration in many aspects of life. i HATE the consuming homework, the know-it-all profs, and the ridiculous whining that seems to consume us all when faced with bad answers from a test. dumb.

oh yes, target. this is the newest of my love-hate relationships. i LOVE target because it has my shampoo at a fair cost, there are often great movie deals, and clearance items cannot be beat. i HATE target because they train their employees to know just enough to get by, but not to have any kind of expertise; they sell specialty products, but don't know how to fix them; and when you return something, (no matter the dollar amount), they give it back to you via gift card. uber dumb.

i know there are worse things in the world than target, but i wish companies would just have some integrity and help proceed to actual meet the customers' needs. any business minded people in the house? take note, people HATE being ripped off or feeling wronged. try to at least be personable with them. this all stemmed from my bike fiasco. so now i am without, which is good and bad. would love assistance in the bike realm if at all possible. thanks. um, have a great day.