new plans

welp.

yea.

today i found out that i won't be staying on the same unit that i've been training on for the last three months. wednesday will be my last day with my preceptor, my fellow lisenced and unlicensed staff, and my patients. i was in shock when i found out. i felt almost betrayed. but i know it was not because they didn't like me (or the other new grads, for that matter); it was a mere budgetary issues. 

so what does this mean? 

i'm not entirely sure. i do know that i won't be hit on multiple times a day, (there goes my self-esteem!), or give out more laxatives than blood pressure medication. and it seems like i will still have a full time job. the issue is simply where. the choices as far as i know: med/surg (with an ortho focus) or tcu/telemetry. the latter is the unit i hoped to transfer to at the end of my year at the clc. the opportunity would be amazing! 

the truth is, though, i'm scared. my assessment skills feel like they've declined. i haven't inserted an iv successfully in almost 2 months. i haven't hung iv meds in even longer.

the beauty of this situation:

i have no control.

in any of it.

God has been changing my plans and restructuring my thinking over the past 6-7months in ways i never imagined. it seems like every time i made these great plans, the Lord would surprise me with different ones. in all honesty, i've been frustrated and angry because of it all too often. but in this instance, i see that the Lord's plans are far better than mine! He knew how good this training position would be for me and how i need to move on now. i pray that i may recall His goodness in this situation and remember His goodness amongst other "foiled" plans. 

so, on monday, 11/22, i will experience the strength of the Lord in my weakness, once again. and, in the eight days that proceed it, His power will be made perfect in my complete weakness. in my tiredness, frustration, and feebleness, i declare glory to Him who alone is worthy!