Pakka Milenge

I hate goodbyes with a true and full disdain.  I either rush through them in an effort not to cry or linger on "the lasts" attempting to savor every moment I can with those precious to me causing even more emotional duress.

It's been a month of goodbyes and I'm not sure I can take much more of it. Don't misunderstand, I am well aware that goodbyes here mean warm hellos somewhere else. I am anxious to hug and laugh and celebrate all God has done this year with my beloved community on the other side of the world. But the goodbyes are wicked hard. Can I just get on a plane and avoid all of the emotions that await in the next few days?

Okay okay, I know that wouldn't be right. 

What I hate so much about goodbyes is that they are so final. I don't know where God would put me in the future. I pray I will be back in India and that I'll meet my other international friends again, but maybe that's not what God has planned for me. (Oh please God, let that be planned for me!)

In the midst of one of my most emotional goodbyes yet, my sweet friend bid me "pakka milenge." I had heard the phrase "phir milenge," which is roughly translated as "see you again." I was going to try to use that phrase as I said my goodbyes, but it seemed inadequate. Too informal in some way, almost flippant. But pakka milenge? It was perfect. It means "we will meet again, for sure." 

For sure. 

I had this overwhelming sense of peace. Forget the maybes and what ifs, Steiger! Meeting these dear, sweet friends again is a sure thing. It's possible we may not meet on earth, but we will meet again as we worship Jesus forever in heaven. It's a sure thing. 

Leaving India may be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I rest on this promise of God. 

So to my precious family that I've already given final hugs to and those I have yet to embrace, I say with bold confidence "pakka milenge."


Cincerely,


Cindy

Ten on Ten: i love my life

guys, i really love my life.
it isn't glamorous and it's far from perfect,
but it is great.

here's a snapshot, or ten, of what life is like:

 "Humble yourself....cast your burdens on him"

 nurse life

traffic jam

laundry

 holi remnants

 business

 russian doll suitcases

because anemia

improvising

 these women.

amazing.

happy ten on ten!

cincerely,

cindy

ten on ten: T.I.I.

hope you enjoy these ten photos 
on this lovely tenth of february!

 

room with a view

 language and immune system building

wounds for days

x-rays and ekgs

 mails

indian pharmacy

sun and talks of the Son

doctoring

health class collaborating

teeth brushing friendship

and
#selfiesthroughsouthasia

cincerely,

cindy

the time difference makes 
linking a bit more difficult:

Three Months

today is the official three month marker of life at the ashram.
and it was also one of the biggest emotional 
roller coasters of my time here.

the day started out at 5:15am with a phone call,
a patient who had been very sick was dying 
and i was asked to come check him out.
i headed downstairs.
couldn't feel a pulse, could barely see his chest rise and fall.
i could hear his heart beat with my stethoscope.
checked his sugar, tried to check his vitals.
couldn't see him breath, so i listened again.
silence.

later that morning, we found out another patient had died.
we helped clean and prepare the bodies.
the men of the ashram gathered to remember.
all i could think was, "again God?"


with a heavy heart, i set out for the old delhi learning center.
once there, i was greeted with huge smiles and an abundance of hugs.
vibrant energy filled the room.
i can't really describe the joy and privilege it brings to sit with children who basically have nothing, 
but who smile and play and love despite their material "insufficiency".
and i get to love them back.
my heart almost burst!


when i arrived back at the ashram,
three new patients were here.
and, as my teammate said,
three more lives to share great love with
for the sake of Christ.



today was filled with extremes.
so much sorrow,
so much joy.
and as difficult as today has been,
i am grateful for it.
it has been a reminder of what is important.
life is short.
really short.
but love has come and love has won.
Christ has come and Christ has won the victory.


as i look forward to the coming months,
i pray that my love of God will be abundant.
and i pray that my love for people will increase along with it.
with eagerness and expectation,
i look forward to what God will do here.
and i seriously cannot wait to join in!



cincerely,

cindy

Simple Faith

guys.
it's 2015.
what the what!?

i also turned another year older yesterday.
i'm almost not twenty
and that's hella weird. 

i didn't always love having my birthday so close 
to christmas and the new year.
but now that i'm older, i really like it.
i am doubly reminded of all the good that has happened
and am energized with new and fresh starts.

i'm not the biggest fan of "new year's" blogs.
but this year, i really felt the need to write one.
so continue reading at your own risk

i came to india with the theme of "be brave with your life."
i think this is still very much the theme, 
but in 2015, i want to rephrase it.
"live with a simple faith."

i don't know about you, but i have a tendency to over think things.
i want to analyze the situation and all the possible outcomes,
and maybe then i'll make a decision.
maybe.
it's not bad to do that, but when it comes to following Jesus, 
it can be crippling.
 
Jesus told us to have faith like a child. 
we have a patient at the ashram who has developmental delays
and acts like a child,
and i love it.
he is constantly smiling and laughing,
and he is constantly working hard and helping wherever he can.
no questions asked.
he acts in simple faith.
he is a constant reminder to have faith like a child,
serving with joy.

this is what i want for the coming year.
i so long to be the kind of person who just says yes.
    yes to going on sporadic trips,
    yes to zip lining,
    yes to driving into delhi by myself,
    yes to praying for the stranger,
    yes to sharing Christ in whatever hindi i have,
    yes to risk being a fool for the sake of Christ.

the goal for 2015?
live with simple faith,
for Christ's glory,
and my good.


Lord, help me to follow you with a simple faith.
give me the grace to trust you deeply enough to walk
into whatever you call with simple faith.
continue to help me be brave with this life you have gifted.