psalm 143

i've spent most of the school year in the latter 100s of the psalms. in part, because i'm a slacker and, in part, because they grip me.

Hear my prayer, O LORD;
give ear to my pleas for mercy!
In your faithfulness answer me, in your righteousness!
Enter not into judgment with your servant,
for no one living is righteous before you.

For the enemy has pursued my soul;
he has crushed my life to the ground;
he has made me sit in darkness like those long dead.
Therefore my spirit faints within me;
my heart within me is appalled.

I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all that you have done;
I ponder the work of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Selah

Answer me quickly, O LORD!
My spirit fails!
Hide not your face from me,
lest I be like those who go down to the pit.
Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,
for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

Deliver me from my enemies, O LORD!
I have fled to you for refuge!
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God!
Let your good Spirit lead me
on level ground!

For your name’s sake, O LORD, preserve my life!
In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!
And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies,
and you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul,
for I am your servant.

it has been a hard semester, mostly because i feel so far away from stuff going on that seems more important than where i currently am. but truly, God is preparing me. at least, right now, it seems this is so. as i was driving home this weekend, i had this utter shock that one day, one glorious day when i'm oversease, i won't just be able to drive home. my "family" won't be just down the streeet or up the five, but they will be around the world. i'm scared to leave them. not because God will stop using either of us, but because i won't get to experience life with them. that's what i'm missing so badly right now. but there are people dying without knowing the wonderful news about Jesus. that i cannot stand for. so my new prayer for my "family" is not for restoration or for strength in this time, but for a passion and conviction about the nations. selfishly in a sense, yes. i would love and be honored to serve long-term with however many of them on the field, but moreover, i just want one more thing to be like minded about them with. but God is supreme; His desire will reign! He knows what He wants from our group. (i know some of you are reading this. i'm just being honest and i'm not saying you don't have a heart for the nations, maybe i'm just saying i'd loved to see us moved to action in a different way)


so there's my heart. i don't really know the capacity that it fits in with psalm 143, but it's there anyway.