Wednesday, March 9, 2011

today at work

i only have 2 patients right now. i'm waiting for an admission, though. i'm hungry, but i know as soon as i heat up my food, i'll get a call to receive report. so, i decided to blog.

one of my patients i had last night. he has chronic pain and is able to withstand a lot, and i mean a lot, of morhpine! i keep checking on him to make sure he has respiratory drive. well, anyway, he was in such pain yesterday that i almost started crying with him. one of the worst parts of my job is that i have to watch people "suffer;" yes, i can often help, but sometimes i've done all i could do. that was the case with this man. i am grateful for the Holy Spirit, though, because He reminded me that i offer something better than morphine-Jesus. so i asked if i could pray for him and he said absolutely and that he, too, was a follower. in all honesty, i had my doubts. drug user? weird tats? etoh? but i was wrong....throughout the night, he proved his love for the Lord. i was convicted of my judgemental attitude. throughout our conversations, i was reminded why i became a nurse-to show the love of Jesus Christ with a sick, dying world. i am humbled that i get to this on a regular basis.

my other patient was transfered to our unit yesterday, suspected gi bleed (which freaks me out d/t the lack of specific symptoms until your patient is bleeding out). anyway, he was upset with me from the moment i stepped in his room. during our first few conversations, i kept trying to prove that i was right and that i offered the best solution to his problems. how arrogant can i get?! i finally listened to him. and then i asked if i could pray for him. his response? "where's my rosary???" i found it and handed it to him. he told me that he makes roasries; in fact, he had made 7,000 over the past year. my initial reaction-judgement. (i mean, really, dude? rosaries? hail mary? what about all hail the power of Jesus' name? ugh.) but i am thankful the Spirit took me away from that place. as he went on and on about how to make them and how the rosary is in the Bible, alll i wanted to do was weep. and please believe, i almost did. i got out of the room and took a few deep breaths. my heart broke for the man who knew little of grace. for the man who thought that God heard him because of his repetition. i want him to know how intimate prayer can be and how sitting with God is filled with more joy than repeating "hail mary" could ever be. yes, i tried to communicate this, but as i've blogged before, my verbal communcation kinda sucks and i did not rely on the Spirit for words.

this has been my night thus far. and i am grateful. it has been hard, but it has been amazing.

i'm also making friends at work (haha, that was kind of like, "hey mom, guess what!?"), but this makes me excited. i value relationships, and having meaningful relationships at work is an important step in my job. one of my co-workers wants me to go speed dating with her. i'm thinking i might because how funny would it be when i show up with greasy hair, a tye-dye shirt, and my retainers in? i'm pretty much stoked for this adventure! it was kind of painful to discuss some of the last few months with her. i know, i didn't have to, but i didn't want to lie.

which brings me to my next point. i need to work on not telling everyone everything. my nature: just tell people, who cares? but in persecuted countries, i can't tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth in terms of circumstances. i need to work on stating the truth, but not giving detail. we'll see how that goes.

welp, i'm hungry. i think it's time for some sweet potato gnocchi and asparagus (which, by the way, makes your pee smell really soon after consumption). until next sleepless night...


rachel said...

cindy! i love you!

Jillian, Riverside said...

Haha. Steigs, this was good. All of it.

I'm also jealous of your cool job and the opportunity that you have :)