homesick

tonight, i am more homesick than i've been in a long time.

well, i'm not really sure if most would call this feeling homesick.
i'm techinically at home, afterall.
maybe i use this word for lack of a better one.

what i mean by "homesick" is that i have a
longing for something that feels like home.
i long to be overseas serving the King and people again.
this feels more like home than anything i've ever done.

sure, remnants of this feeling arise

when i serve people here.

i experience and know a sense of purpose,

but that sense is magnified when

in a cross-cultural setting.

so much of me wants to drop everything and just go.
pay off loans little by little until i'm dead,
relying on the steadfast provision of Christ.

another part urges itself to stay,

be responsible and a good steward

of what i have here,

grateful for the provision as is.

both choices are logical,

both have benefits,

both have their own way of bringing

glory to the One worthy.

i'm not writing for answers or pity.

not sure this topic needs either at this point.

prayer? yes, i'll take prayer if you're offering.

however, again i am resolved to wait,

resting on the His timing.

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
    for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
    my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
     pour out your heart before him;
    God is a refuge for us."

Psalm 62:5-8