itchy

tonight is one of those nights.

i get them every so often.

sadly haven't had one in i don't know how long.

tonight, i'm itching to be overseas.

as in, i almost bought a one way ticket and emailed my friends overseas to see who would take me kinda night.

the kind of night where my body is restless,

my spirit aches,

my mind won't stop

and my heart burns.

i feel so discouraged that i'm still here,

no where closer to being overseas than i was two years ago.

i work in a comfortable hospital,

i live a comfortable life.

and it makes me sick.

i long for simplicity,

i long to feel purpose again,

i long to live amongst a people that value intentionality.

i know that i need to practice those things here

but man, is it hard!

materialism and entertainment abound.

i just want it to be simple. 

Jesus, help me to remember to live simply!!

with all of this talk of sudan in my circle of friends,

i've been woken up to how much my life isn't much different than those around me.

in fact, as i've talked with my coworkers about hope4sudan, they seem taken aback, "oh, you're a christian?"

geesh. 

i have failed.

i have failed to exalt and glorify the One whom my soul loves.

i'm so easily distracted.

for this i repent and plead with the Lord to bind my wondering heart to Him.

these next few days and weeks will not be easy.

i know the enemy has done much to keep me distracted, but i pray that the Lord will sustain me as i remember and dwell on my first Love.

prone to wonder, Lord i feel it

prone to leave the God i love.

here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it

seal it for Thy courts above