in the depths of despair?

yes, i watched a bit of anne of green gables last night, hence the title. it's isn't entirely fitting, but nonetheless, some days i just feel that.

last night was real bad. my dad is such an angry man, so than i get angry. i get angry at his unjust and irrational angry, but praise God for the Holy Spirit because then my heart is overwhelmed and i cannot believe that this man that i have grown up with, that i share half a genetic code with, does not know the power in Christ Jesus. to him, Jesus was simply a thing on a "to do" list many years ago and it has been since check off. oh, but if he would seek after God! if he would come to know repentance and gentleness and self-sacrifice in the work of the Spirit! if he would know it wasn't a one time thing and that the gospel is a continuing process!

once again, praise God for the Holy Spirit and His Word. Romans 3:10-18 says:

"None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one."
"Their throat is an open grave;
they use their tongues to deceive."
"The venom of asps is under their lips."
"Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness."
"Their feet are swift to shed blood;
in their paths are ruin and misery,
and the way of peace they have not known."
"There is no fear of God before their eyes."

and in Ephesians 2:1-5 says:

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved"



my dad cannot seek the Lord apart from the moving of the Holy Spirit. but i was once a child of wrath as well. i desired to be disobedient as well, yet God was merciful to me. why did he choose me? i struggle with the question so much after being in india and seeing so many people without the love and saving work of the True God in their lives. i pray that my heart would be enlightened to why the Almighty would choose such a worm as i. i pray that the Holy Spirit would work in my dad's life to show him repentance and to show him what it truly means to believe; i pray that i would have faith enough to ask that this small mountain would move.

rachel tagged me...thanks, i feel loved.

What are 5 things on your to-do list for today?
1. short work stop
2. dentist
3. car to the shop
4. pick up the car from the shop
5. do some work for the boss lady

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
1. chips and salsa
2. melon
3. pretzels
4. goldfish (cause they're SO delicious!)
5. trailmix

What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?
1. give the money to India
2. yes, buy a new car
3. pay for school
4. go to greece
5. INVEST! (so i can do the above)

What are 5 of your bad habits?
1. over-criticizing people and things
2. picking my nose (yes, it's gross i know)
3. talking during movies, but telling others not to do it
4. i leave weeks worth of socks in my bed
5. i fart in my car

Where are 5 places you have lived?
1. san mateo
2. hume lake
3. riverside
4. india for seven weeks
5.

What are 5 jobs you've had?
1. lifeguard/swim instructor with SMRD
2. senior lifeguard/swim instructor with SMRD
3. lifeguard at CBU
4. Frozen Sombrero at Hume
5. a couple under the table jobs....

What 5 people do you want to tag?
1. Jillian
2. Justine
3. Diane
4. Shy
5. Deez

songs

so i'm not really a fan of those blogs that post music lyrics (no offense to those who do) but lately i have NOT been able to get this one song out of my head that we sang at orientation and debriefing, (it sounds like we were taking off our underwear....).

it's an older song i guess, but who cares? it's awesome! "Sing to the King" is the title and it is truly amazing!! i walk around the house singing, i sing it in the target and get weird looks, and yes, even in the shower. the only minor detail/issue i have with it is the line that says "He's all we need," when truly Jesus is all we have. so in true cindy style, i just change it when i sing it.

i'm not going to post the lyrics cause i want you to look up the song (suckas!). but truly y'all check it out if you don't know it or if you haven't heard it in a while. it is worth the 99 cents!!

crazy

this time, not so much an allusion to me.

i was be a creeper and checking out some of my friends' facebooks and it was so crazy to look at fun pictures from the summer. things have changed for sure! one friend is engaged, another broken up, another married. friends will be tanner, friends will be closer, some friends won't be friends at all. i know people grow while i'm away, i'm used to that by now, it's still just weird to see and expierence them grow so much while i've also been growing so much. ok, selfish, i know. i want to be some shining light to save my friends this summer by sharing all that i've learned about God, but boy, am glad God has different plans!!!

i have also been able to, quite easily, compartmentalize my life for the past four years in terms of friendships. i have my friends at home, containing of all church friends, then i have work at home, (which i only think about during the summer really, simplifying life even more), school friends, and joshua friends. now i will have to add a whole new category of sa101 friends and friends from this country. so weird-and quite complicated strangely...oh well.

i don't really know the purpose of this blog, but maybe it was to point out that i'm in fact the crazy one, not the circumstances that will surround me when i reutrn in approx. 1 week and 2 hours.



umm, p/s-while i write this blog, there an indian woman singing not too well next to me. it is absolutely hilarious and i wish i could laugh SO loud more at her apparent ignorance to her off-key sounds than to the sounds themselves, but i can't.