in the depths of despair?

yes, i watched a bit of anne of green gables last night, hence the title. it's isn't entirely fitting, but nonetheless, some days i just feel that.

last night was real bad. my dad is such an angry man, so than i get angry. i get angry at his unjust and irrational angry, but praise God for the Holy Spirit because then my heart is overwhelmed and i cannot believe that this man that i have grown up with, that i share half a genetic code with, does not know the power in Christ Jesus. to him, Jesus was simply a thing on a "to do" list many years ago and it has been since check off. oh, but if he would seek after God! if he would come to know repentance and gentleness and self-sacrifice in the work of the Spirit! if he would know it wasn't a one time thing and that the gospel is a continuing process!

once again, praise God for the Holy Spirit and His Word. Romans 3:10-18 says:

"None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one."
"Their throat is an open grave;
they use their tongues to deceive."
"The venom of asps is under their lips."
"Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness."
"Their feet are swift to shed blood;
in their paths are ruin and misery,
and the way of peace they have not known."
"There is no fear of God before their eyes."

and in Ephesians 2:1-5 says:

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved"



my dad cannot seek the Lord apart from the moving of the Holy Spirit. but i was once a child of wrath as well. i desired to be disobedient as well, yet God was merciful to me. why did he choose me? i struggle with the question so much after being in india and seeing so many people without the love and saving work of the True God in their lives. i pray that my heart would be enlightened to why the Almighty would choose such a worm as i. i pray that the Holy Spirit would work in my dad's life to show him repentance and to show him what it truly means to believe; i pray that i would have faith enough to ask that this small mountain would move.