book update

febraury is almost over, which means the reading of calvin miller's into the depths of God should be over too. well, this is not the case. there were definitely things i liked about this book, but truly, the emotionalism of this book is a bit too much for this thinker-turned-feeler. i have too many feelings to add reading a book about them onto it. maybe i'll pick this book up again in another six years. or maybe not.


so what book does march bring? well, if it's on my shelf, i'll be mentally and spiritually consuming the problem of pain by c.s. lewis. despite his armenian views, he has a deep understanding of many things of God and i believe i can learn from him, even if i disagree with his stance on certain theological views.

i'm looking forward to this book because there is a lot of suffering around me. some dear friends are going through the ringer, i watch people progressively and, essentially, slowly die at work, and i see such a large portion of my family suffering in their chains. this doesn't even address those around the world who suffer daily and constantly because of their conviction to follow Jesus. suffering, while completely biblical and wonderful, is something i find myself struggling through. i hope that this book will aid my understanding of suffering and teach this confused heart how to cope. (yes, ultimately, i know Jesus is the only One who can do this, but books can aid the process).

so, welcome to you march....two days early.

another one bites the dust

i received a text this afternoon that one of my good friends is engaged.

that is my seventh friend/acquaintance to get engaged in the past two weeks. and this doesn't include all my already engaged friends, (i'm looking at five weddings this year already). needless to say, i'm a little overwhelmed. 

and i am feeling very single.

a week of firsts

i really like to have adventures. now, don't limit this wonderful word adventure; adventure encompasses many a' thing. one thing i consider an adventure is trying or experiencing something new. this week has been filled with "firsts." let me tell you about them:

• today is the first day that i can officially be called a critical care nurse! i am now ekg and acls certified!! this, my friends, is crazy! the state of california not only believes i can give some heavy duty medications and perform procedures, but now i can officially run a code. while the likelihood of me running a code is slim, i'm not sure they quite know what they're doing.
• i received my first "love note." okay, he never said he "loved" me, but he did ask me to call him and gave me his digits. best part of the story-it was one of my patients! hahaha. (for the record, he was mentally totally there, only 41 y/o, and a nice guy). it was a funny situation that i hope i won't have to face again.
• i received my first piece of mail to my new apartment just for me. this made me smile.
• i'll be calling in sick for the first time since i've been a nurse on my own....and i'm not sick. (whahahah) i do need a mental health day and will enjoy it thoroughly!
• i went out with my new coworkers in a social setting. it was good! i am blessed with a great new grad cohort!
• on this outing, i went to a bar. like, a legit bar. it was not the most glamorous "first" i've experienced. however, now i feel more like an adult.
• last night, i stood in the rain intentionally, even when it turned into a hail. (ok, i've done this one before, but it was still pretty awesome, so i needed to share)

well, that's it for now. i'm excited to update you on more firsts in my life!

the female-species

some days, i hate being a woman. this isn't really news to most of you. i complain about various things regarding womanhood.  there are wonderful things in being a member of the female-species, but nonetheless, sometimes it sucks. but today, i would like to bring your attention to a magnificent woman.

her name: amaaa mahfouz. 

her claim to fame: being instrumental  in orchestrating a revolution.

to ms. mahfouz i say, well done! you make me proud to be a woman. 

conviction

a friend put some abbreviated sermons on my ipod a couple of years ago. i decided to listen to a few by john piper today. the first one that played was his "famous" section on the prosperity gospel. (it's a titch dramatic here with the music behind it, but you get the picture.) when i saw that come up, i was like, "okay, this will be a good reminder. i surely don't preach this gospel." 

oh, how God must have been shaking His head at my arrogance.

i'm not saying i tell people, "love and accept Jesus and He'll give you a nice car," but sometimes i live my life that way. i don't live in the reality moment by moment that Christ is all-sufficient. 

then brother john quotes the following verse:

Whom have I in heaven but you?
   And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
   but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

psalm 73:25-26

and then states the following:

"God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in Him,

in the midst of loss,

not prosperity."

how foolish i am.

may i come to a place of repentance over my attitude and view of God over the past few months. and may i worship Him because He is enough.

follow-up

hello february!

here are a couple of things to follow up on:

• i finished living the cross centered life by c.j. mahaney. probably one of the most practical books i've read in a while. c.j. gives it to ya straight...and i need that! i'll blog more about it soon.
• i'm onto book numero dos, into the depths of God by calvin miller. i actually read this book in joshua, but remember not liking it, so i wanted to try it again. i remember why i hated it. it's a very emotional, feelings-centered approach to experiencing God. i was going to stop reading it (since i started it a couple of weeks ago), but decided to hold off after the chapter about money. as a nurse, i make money. and i found myself treasuring it. this makes me sick. i am grateful for the conviction revealed in this book and will continue it....at least for now.
• yesterday, paul washer tweeted this: "the christian life is not filed with many great things, but rather with many small things that add up to something great." this is not how i've been living the last 2-4 months (if not longer). i am such a dreamer and such a future-oriented person that i forget the importance of the here and now as i'm dreaming and planning for the future. i want to live well for Christ now, today, at 0900. i want the little things i do to be a sweet aroma to Him. Lord, transform my heart again. let me cling to You.
• yesterday, i also read this quote from francis chan: "i dare you to take the words of Jesus seriously." i've heard him say this before, but for some reason it cut deep yesterday. to some extent, i used to live in this realm of faith. but now i just don't. i mean, when was the last time i loved my neighbor as much as i love me? or didn't worry about tomorrow? or lived in the reality that i do not need to do good things to be in right standing with the King of all? i know these things are true, but living in their reality has not happened so much. and that's what we call sin, kids. forgive me, Most High, for my disobedience. cause me to abide in You!
• the apartment is fun. i am often a house-mate slacker when it comes to chores. working 12's is rough.
• (great transition here...) working 12's is rough. in november, i was finally feeling somewhat comfortable at work. i had a schedule and routine after months of non of that. but since mid-november, aka the switch to 12's, my life seems crazy again. no routine means lack of discipline. and lack of discipline means lack of....well, everything else good. i'm hoping to see some light at the end of this foggy, heavy mess. 
• mo-mo's were REAL good! i hope to find me some ground buff (please have it stocked, whole foods!) and make the next round on my next stretch of time off!
• this weekend i have 4 days off....and i am SO excited! on friday, i'll be spending some time in sacramento with some dear friends, then driving to clio to hang out with one of my besties sister, (confused? that's ok). then, i'll come back to the bay, and spend time with the hope family. fantastic weekend to me!

that's about it for now. until next time....