my prayer

so tomorrow this time i'll be checking in at sfo. CRAZY! i was telling my mom this morning that about this time last year i was getting back from south asia and now i have the privilege of going back. i cannot wait to see how this trip is used for the God's glory!

this morning i also got really anxious. i mean, really anxious. i have a full bag and it's pretty heavy. my carry on is almost full and i feel like there is more to pack. i kept getting distracted as i was before the Lord, so as i talked to Him about it, philippians 4:4-7 kept coming into my, (sadly just the gist of it though; i had to look it up).

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

clique as it may be, it is SO true, it continues to say:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

think on the things of God, rather, think on God, the only One who emulates these qualities in their purest form and peace will be with you. how my focus has been on my bags being too heavy or not making my flights or being frustrated with work. really though, shouldn't i be fixed on Christ, the author and perfecter of my faith? the one who suffered the wrath of God to reconcile to world to God?

then i wondered to philippians 1. how paul prayers for people i wish to prayer for certain people in my life:

-my family and church family: "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." (v9-11)

-youth group and friends: "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, ...I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him" (v27-29)

-me: the above, to be sure, and: "Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

None of this is to be out of arrogance, but rather love. and for the last one, i know paul was in jail; i'm not, but really, whatever happens, may it be for the glory of the Father. i know this is super sentimental (and long), but really, it has been on a my heart for a long time. see you in six weeks!

prince caspian=heresy?

Well, not the book. i just saw the movie and was EXTREMELY disappointed! for an entertaining movie, it's good, but for a movie "based on the book by c.s. lewis," it was disgusting. they jumble the book around, draw out the battles, and destroy the motives of characters. while there were some great one-liners from edmund and a surprise at the end from susan, it did not out way the sadness of the distorted beginning. c.s. lewis has got to be one of the best writers of the twentieth century, yet the film makers still insist that they can do a better job than his genius. UGH! so frustrating! i would love to challenge THEM to a dual, such as that in prince caspian. i would represent the traditional and they the progressive, and just as in the book, i would come out victorious, just as old narnia did. ok, i get carried away, but i hope you can weed through this, (as you hopefully often do), to seek the crux of my frustration. i hope their ways will change for the next film, (to destroy two in a row would be a shame).

alright, stepping down from the soap box.

thoughts

i went to church at home today. it was great to be surrounded by another family that i cherish. in sunday school dave spoke in typical fashion, (which is always refreshing). we talked about how we as christian can get wrapped up in the the things of the world that we are consumed by them. or even, we have always been consumed by them, finding worth in them rather than in Christ. how convicted i was/am by this. how do i spend my time? where do i spend time thinking? how do my conversations reflect Christ? do they? i've heard sermons like this so often, but man, i hope that conviction lies deep this time. i pray that transformational change will take place. i don't want to be a cultural or moral christian. i don't want to defame the name of Christ.






by the way, i leave in, ummm five, six days. i know, stinkin AMAZING! it is incredible that God has allowed the logistics to come together so that i may serve Him in this place. i am still in awe of His work and of the fact that I AM GOING TO SOUTH ASIA!!!! overwhelmed? to say the least.

a praise and a prayer

hi. most of you, well i think many of you know that a great many of relatives are not Jesus followers. two of those people, my gammy, (mom's dad), and my dad.

my gammy what one would call "elderly." i didn't really think of her as that until recently when she started to become less youthful. so many of her friends of died and so has her husband. sad days i say. wull, it's been an interesting few years since she moved back to the bay area (she's canadian). my mom, sister, (and sometimes myself) encourage her in the things of God (whatever that is supposed to mean). last week, she came with us to the mother daughter banquet at church and you know i was thrilled to spend time surrounded by women's ministry in all its glory. however, God likes to slap me in the face. in short, the speaker spoke about depression and how God rescued her from it. my grandma was ballin. we didn't get a chance to really talk about it (and i mean, how do you talk about depression with your grandma?). well, today, i got a card from her that said "praying for you." ok, it doesn't seem like much and who knows what or whom she is praying to, but i mean, really, that is the first mention of spiritual things from her in quite some time. PTL!

then there's my dad. i don't understand where his anger comes from. i so pray that he would he seek the things of God! sadly, i am reminded of Romans 3:10-12 (There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.) please pray that God would open his eyes and break his heart over his sin and condition and that repentance would be true of his life. please pray that my family and i would learn to show Christ as paul wrote about in 1 Peter 3:1 (Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives).


oh, p/s-i really miss y'all

randomness

i've decided i like random blogs. maybe that's misleading. not so much random information, (although i do enjoy those), just a bunch of random stuff. so, here it goes.

-i went to visit my grandma and aunt this weekend. it was nice. it was a real vacation. i read a book for the first time in a long time. (ok, it was just prince caspian in anticipation of its upcoming theatrical release, however, an accomplishment nonetheless). i look forward to reading more, especially on my 20hr plane ride.

-i've only been home for seven days and already my dad is driving me crazy. not so much in the sense of us fighting, but in the sense of "where is the logic in that?" and "can you please explain why slamming down the already broken phone is helpful and solving the problem?" i just don't understand his way of thinking. maybe i don't try hard enough to understand.

-i started work yesterday. nothing has changed. still unorganized and lots of miscommunication. oh well. just two weeks.

-i just, i mean just found out India was bombed. please pray for recovery and the field workers there. for more info, please go here.

everything i was going to write about seems so fickle now. i guess it always has been, but even more so now. there is one thing that i wanted to write about that was so incredible. i was nervous about raising support for my trip; it's all in. all of the cash is in. my church family is incredible. even more so, God is faithful to have provided.

so i've been thinking

i know. what's new. this blog could be fairly random, but again, what's new.

at least one of my very good friends graduated today. WHAT!? i mean seriously, she graduated from stinkin college. intermixed in the merry thoughts and well-wishes for her, i started thinking about where i've been in the last four years.

i graduated from high school four years ago. it does NOT seem like just yesterday, however, it does seem pretty crazy that i was more concerned with band practice and senior day as opposed to today concern seems to drive to, well self.. sadly, i don't even talk to my high school friends anymore. i don't even talked to those kidlets that i had youth group with. what happened? was there no firm foundation of friendship in the Lord or did i just not try hard enough to love and to invest in them? i think i just didn't know how to be friend.

then came joshua. again, seriously? i still can't believe that this part of life happened. i had an amazing opportunity invest in the most important relationship in life and yet i spent it as an intellectual pursuit. oh to go back to those times of quiet on the back porch sittin on a swing listening to birds and then communing with God. why is it so hard to find those moments of quiet now?

then college. and a college i would NEVER have chosen for myself, but PTL that God knows best.


some days i wish i hadn't experienced what i did to get where i am now and that i could just who i am. then, i could be graduated, ready to "face the world." sometimes i regret decisions because i so want to be done and to be ...ugh....just an adult, (with all the responsibility). today is one of those days filled with regrets. but another day, i will remember that without my stupid decisions, i could never have learned what He wanted me to learn. at least, i wouldn't have learned what i have learned, (that was better theology).