Saturday, May 3, 2008

so i've been thinking

i know. what's new. this blog could be fairly random, but again, what's new.

at least one of my very good friends graduated today. WHAT!? i mean seriously, she graduated from stinkin college. intermixed in the merry thoughts and well-wishes for her, i started thinking about where i've been in the last four years.

i graduated from high school four years ago. it does NOT seem like just yesterday, however, it does seem pretty crazy that i was more concerned with band practice and senior day as opposed to today concern seems to drive to, well self.. sadly, i don't even talk to my high school friends anymore. i don't even talked to those kidlets that i had youth group with. what happened? was there no firm foundation of friendship in the Lord or did i just not try hard enough to love and to invest in them? i think i just didn't know how to be friend.

then came joshua. again, seriously? i still can't believe that this part of life happened. i had an amazing opportunity invest in the most important relationship in life and yet i spent it as an intellectual pursuit. oh to go back to those times of quiet on the back porch sittin on a swing listening to birds and then communing with God. why is it so hard to find those moments of quiet now?

then college. and a college i would NEVER have chosen for myself, but PTL that God knows best.

some days i wish i hadn't experienced what i did to get where i am now and that i could just who i am. then, i could be graduated, ready to "face the world." sometimes i regret decisions because i so want to be done and to be ...ugh....just an adult, (with all the responsibility). today is one of those days filled with regrets. but another day, i will remember that without my stupid decisions, i could never have learned what He wanted me to learn. at least, i wouldn't have learned what i have learned, (that was better theology).

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