Wednesday, January 14, 2009

i don't practice what i preach

as an ra, i encouraged quite a few of my residences to lean on God during difficult times. and these were fairly difficult times at that. this last semester, i've had some connections with hardship, but never really experienced it. still, i passed out the advice to rely on the Lord, to remember that when we are weak, He is strong.

well, today i found out hume lake is not taking me on as their nurse intern and told me only after i pursued the matter. i found this out via email during one of my really....well, let's say less enjoyable classes. it really got my day off to the wrong start. then, after nearly falling asleep in class, i found out that my meal plan would not be decreased. quite dissappointing considering it was wednesday afternoon and i had maybe used five of my meals. i threw a hudge pity party, but worse is that i got mad. i was heated!

my minuture and meaningless "hardships" are just that, nothing in light of others' sufferings. people go days without food and here i sit complaing about having options with too much fat. moreover, my miniscule sufferings are nothing when illuminated by the cross of Christ. how dare i?! how dare i tell others to look to Him and i not do the same! how dare i get so self-focused and loose focus on why i wanted those two things in the first place!

Father, thank you for reminding me of my weakness and hypocrisy. forgive me for acting out of old desires and help me to walk anew, turned fully towards the cross. help me to remember to extend grace and peace to those that i would much rather curse.

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