dearest oswald

i used to read my utmost for His highest a lot in high school, but then it became common place. i may have tried to pick it up again while in college, but it was either too convicting or required too much discipline for me to keep on reading it.

i picked it up again after a friend kept texting me to read that day's excerpt. i was so moved/convicted by its words, that i've been reading it again.

today's excerpt read the following:

The Initiative Against Dreaming

"Arise, let us go hence." John 14:31

Dreaming about a thing in order to do it properly is right; but dreaming about it when we should be doing it is wrong. After Our Lord had said those wonderful things to His disciples, we might have expected that He would tell them to go away and meditate over them all; but Our Lord never allowed "mooning." When we are getting into contact with God in order to find out what He wants, dreaming is right; but when we are inclined to spend our time in dreaming over what we have been told to do, it is a bad thing and God's blessing is never on it. God's initiative is always in the nature of a stab against this kind of dreaming, the stab that bids us "neither sit nor stand but go."

If we are quietly waiting before God and He has said - "Come ye yourselves apart," then that is meditation before God in order to get at the line He wants; but always beware of giving over to mere dreaming when once God has spoken. Leave Him to be the source of all your dreams and joys and delights, and go out and obey what He has said. If you are in love, you do not sit down and dream about the one you love all the time, you go and do something for him; and that is what Jesus Christ expects us to do. Dreaming after God has spoken is an indication that we do not trust Him.

i was skeptical of today's reading because the title was "the initiative against dreaming." well, that seemed oh so offense to the girl who loves to get lost in dreams. but i was challenged to think differently. if i love God and truly delight in Him, then i will, nay-must trust Him to do what He has said. it's crazy that most of my issues in my relationship with God revolve around pride and a lack of trust. i want to be stripped of those things that i may worship God more fully...