Processing Loss

September has been such a weird month. 

It started with some of my favorite people coming to visit. 

Shortly after, my Gammy's condition took a turn for the worst. She was hospitalized for five days and then ended up on hospice, living with my parents. 

She passed two weeks ago. 

I haven't taken the time to blog because I knew it was going to be painful. 

Painful because there are so many memories and emotions to process.

As a nurse, I see sick people actively dying all the time. It's hard to see, but I cope by focusing on the medical and scientific aspects. 

But watching your loved one deteriorate and, essentially, die, is uncharted territory. 

I'm still not sure I will ever forget how wretched it was to see my grandmother in those final days. 

Or how the car ride to my parents house after I found out my last biological grandparent had passed. 

Or how it felt to see her frail body just lying there, completely lifeless. 

Despite all of these emotions and challenges, The Lord has been gracious to show Himself. 

I've had severely opportunities to fellowship with older women, similarly aged to my own grandparents. They have shown me wisdom, love, grace, and comfort during this time of loss. 

The Lord ultimately and perfectly shows these attributes, but I am grateful for godly people who also reflect them. 

I used to take my grandparents for granted. They were people who had to love me, had to be there for me, no matter how much time or distance was between us. 

Now that I don't have grandparents, I wish they were here to experience their unconditional love and hear their wisdom. 

But I'm grateful that the Lord has placed other "grandparents" in my life. And I am grateful that I won't miss out on wisdom to be learned from the older generation.

I'm even more grateful for a God who shows me true, unwavering, unconditional love because of Christ's work on the cross.  

Cincerely,

Cindy