letters to kimberlee

this is what my blog should be called. at least as of late. my dear friend kimber is my processing buddy. we would hike, drink chai, or just sit while i processed. she would listen to me and offer sound advice. and she has been known on occassion to simply laugh out loud at my stupid comments or trains of thought.

i know, the way i'm writing it sounds like she's dead or that something else is seriously wrong. not true.

well, kinda not true. what's wrong is that we are not within a seven minute drive of each other, rather a seven hour drive. and phone conversations just don't do it justice. without the face-to-face contact, there is just something missing. i have one word: juto.

so until i find another person to process with, or until we are reunited (with the exception of a few days, it will be just over two years), my blog will consist of weird, unprocessed info. there will also be a lot more blogs. for the jumbled and unfiltered thoughts and comments to come, please forgive me. for the seemingly excessive amount of blogs, i also ask forgiveness. i have no sifter to get the lumps out.

until next time (which will probably be a few hours....)

goin blog crazy

it seems that blogging has been a really effective way for me to process what happened over the past few weeks. here are some bullet points that i feel inclined to share:

• honey latte's are the bomb dot com. tried these bad boys the last few days in south asia and was blown away by their amazingness. i highly recommened adding honey to your misto/latte any day! 

• i'm over living at home. there are many reasons that this is so, but a lot of the time i feel like it's because i have no privacy, no means of escape. as we speak, it's 6:23am and my dad is staring at me while i blog. also, i like the independence of being on my own. i get to make my own decisions and not worry about who else they are affecting. maybe that's why i'm still single too....

• i miss being with like-minded people. sure, folks at church are awesome, but we don't always share the same views. i know this has it's benefits; i sure do learn a lot and am challenged to truly know what i believe. however, i miss being able to sit down with my three closest friends over a glass of water and talk about Jesus. i guess i took for granted how our similar life experiences, (cbu, same church, ra's, etc), have created a nice, even platform for chats. girls, know that it's killing me not being there with you!

• i think i have this thing for the number four. i like being part of groups of four. i think it allows for good discussion and gives people the chance to be vulnerable and open, while also allowing for a chance to hear other points of view. i don't hate when i'm apart of a different size group, i think it's just my feng shui number. the ladies above are one example of a group of four. another is the ptc. good times.

• i'm glad i'm single. i haven't been more than content with my singleness in a long time. i'm glad i've never dated and glad that i have no intention of doing so for a time because i don't need the added drama. life has enough with the addition of a member of the male-species to love.

• i haven't run/jogged consistantly in about eight years. i wanted to continue the amazing cardio i had in the mountains, so i'm easing back into jogging. dude-my body is sore.

• we did a strengths bombardment on my team the last few days we were in country. there were a lot of repeats for me, but here's what my team saw in me: leader, thoughtful, wholehearted, dedicated, faith, and patience. when i think of myself, these are rarely the attributes i would attribute to me. Jesus is amazing that he granted me the grace to display and live these with my team.

•  i often am fearful of the future. i start work next week and i haven't guarded in two years. i have to study diligently for boards and take my exam. i have to apply for quite a few more jobs. i am fearful of doing these things. i was challenged while overseas that believers often proclaim the faithfulness of God after a situation is over and through the outcome Christ was on full display. but do we live in faithfulness during the season of waiting? this is my challenge. God has brought me through much for a purpose and plan. He who calls us is able.

• a friend reminded me the importance of waiting. i want to be overseas right now. this was the hardest year for me to come back because i knew "real" life awaited me and i might as well start this thing called being an adult overseas. but i need to be faithful to the calling of the Lord, even while i wait. during the season of waiting, He will continue to refine me, to teach me, to be faithful. i eagerly await the Father to say, "it is time, child. now go."

• my intuition tells me that i'm in a new season. and not just for the obvious reasons of being out of school for the first time in 20 years or even having to start a career. there is newness in the air. bring it, Jesus. i'm ready for a change.

until next time.

important lesson

i spent some time reading and praying through 1 corinthians. during my time overseas, it became even more real and beautiful. one section stuck out to me vividly.

 ^"For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.

 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."

 i must be disciplined. i must be self-controlled. i must exercise discipline in all things. 

i suck at this. i live in the realm of freedom and american attitude of "i do what i want, shoot." but how wrong is this? how unbiblical is this attitude? 

overseas, we spent a lot of time saying "it's mental." too true is this statement, whether hiking for six hours or being asked to eat a third plate of rice. it is mental.

but i must continue this attitude in the states. this is a season of training and of readying not just my mind and soul for the future, but my body. it is going to be hard, but i do not run aimlessly. i am disciplined for the cause of Christ, for the sake of the gospel. what other cause do i need?

i ask for your prayers. i never last long when i set out to be disciplined in the physical realm. pray that i will stay focused on the cause; that i will be dedicated to the race i am running.

until next time.

mixed emotions

i just got back from serving three weeks in a very dark, hopeless country. after traveling for 24 hours and feel as if i've done drugs because of the jet-lag, here is my attempt at a blog to update y'all on the craziness called may.

serving with my team was amazing. as a whole, my fellow students and i were excited to serve and preach Christ whenever possible. we laughed and loved together. we cried and struggled together. we truly sharpened each other.

it gets harder for me to come back to the states each time i go. this time was even harder because there is nothing waiting for me here but loans. i think i have fallen in love with a new country and am earnestly praying about returning soon! i have faith that God will provide a necessary job so that i can pay off loans, gain skills, and work overseas. 

i was challenged with many things. obedience, love, simplicity...the list goes on. i was challenged by the deepening of friendships and the hope for them to continue inspite of the distance. i was challenged to lead in a sacrificial way, failing all too often. i was challenged to use my voice for the glory of the King, even when it was hard. i was challenged to stay focused despite one or two major distractions.

i still have a lot more to process, but i needed to blog so i could 1)stay awake a little longer and 2)process the mixed emotions that i'm experiencing.

until next time

(insert title here)

welp, it's offical. college grad i am.

friday and saturday were crazy. between pinning and graduation, family and friends, nursing friends and besties, it was, to say the least, overwhelming.

i am overwhelmed that i have finished college.

i am overwhelmed that i am a bsn.

i am overwhelmed with the love of friends and family.

i am overwhelmed that i was able to spend the last three years with such amazing people.

i am overwhelmed that i may never see some of those people again.

i am overwhelmed with unpacking.

i am overwhelmed with getting ready for South Asia.

i am overwhelmed with how God has changed and grown me over the last five years.

i am overwhelmed with where He will take me in the next five.

i am overwhelmed and amazed that the Lord has blessed me with godly friends, an incomparable education, and practical and beautiful knowledge about His global purpose.

there's much to do before i leave on thursday and, once again, i am left without much time to process life events. again, i will miss mother's day and life events of my dear friends. but, again, God has blessed me with the opportunity and ability to serve and speak of His name in dark places. i ask for your prayers as preparation is over and the battle will take place on a new front.