poop and penises

these two words pretty much sum up my first day on the floor as a real life registered nurse. and i'm not sorry if i offended anyone by using them. i'm a nurse and nurse talk is part of who i am. so calm down.


here's a quick list of things i saw and/or learned today:

• i saw more poop and penises today than my entire life combined.
• cna's work their butts off and i hope i will never take them for granted!
• just cause you rename a nursing home, doesn't make it any less a nursing home. the smell, for one, is always the same.
• if someone ever has to wipe my butt for me, shoot me. or at least send me somewhere where i can enjoy the scenery.
• heard about a man who isn't able to use his body (a quadriplegic, for any medical folk out there). but this didn't happen to him because he was in a war. nope, he was shot by some gang. alright then.
• hospital food is gross. don't try to say it's good cause that would be lying, and we all know what happens to liers....

the next year-ish is going to be one of the hardest of my life. i have to work with people who have nothing else but this nursing home and most will die there. in my feeler state of late, i can't help but wonder where their families are and how they must be feeling. ugh. i wish i could write more on that, but then i just might start crying. the role of the rn is different than i imagined. basically, i'll be passing meds. yep, that's about it.


but ke garne?




i humbly ask you to pray for me. pray that i will be bold and gentle in sharing the gospel with the residents of this facility. pray that i will remember to pray for these men who despirately need Jesus. pray that i will extend grace and peace to these who are suffering and dying physically and spiritually.

book update

i finished a chance to die a few weeks ago. it is truly one of the best books i have read and i highly recommend it for people who are ready to have how they spend their lives challenged. in one of the last chapters, amy is very ill and basically bedridden. she asks someone on her staff to cut out a cross and hang it above her bed, so that while she lies in bed day after day, she can be reminded that her "small suffering" now allows her to relate with the suffering of Christ.



wow.

***

i've been reading radical by david platt for the last two weeks. again, this book evokes a range of emotions and stimulates deep thought. i had just finished chapter four and i became extremely upset that i could not go to the nations now. i mean, if i wasn't about $65,000 in debt, there's no way i'd be here.

but then i read chapter five. title: the multiplying community. my first thought was of the navigators, a group committed to discipleship and multiplicity, but it was a quick thought. dr. platt reminds his readers of matthew 28:19-20 which reads, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." please believe, after four of jeff lewis's classes, this verse is not a stranger to me.

so then why don't i live like it's truth?

"What is shocking is that when Jesus summarizes his work on earth, he doesn't start reliving all the great sermons he preached and all the people who came to listen to him. He doesn't talk about the amazing miracles he performed-giving sight to the blind, enabling the lame to walk, and feeding thousands of people with minimal food. He doesn't even mention bringing the dead back to life. Instead he talks repeatedly about the small group of men God had given him out of the world. They were the work God had given him. They were, quite literally, his life" (radical, pp. 88-89).

how often do i pray that i may do many signs and wonders for the sake of the gopel? how often do i pray that i might be able to heal miraculously, or preach with authority? these prayers are not wrong, necessarily, but oh, how i have missed it! what i should be praying for is the opportunity to make disciples! to engage boldly in this dark world in order that i might have the priveledge of imparting Christ to others through shared life!

while i struggle with not being overseas and having this mindset of sharing the gospel with those who have never heard it before, i must engage now! i must learn to not pray to be free of america and the all-too-often lack of Christ here, but to pray for the opportunity to make disciples! it is about making disciples so that more souls may worship the One who alone is worthy!

God change my attitude! i beg that you would allow me to make disciples for Your namesake! i am weak and scared, but show Your strength through such weaknesses. here i am Lord, use me!

sigh

i just finished my first week of my first full time job! i am still in awe of the King because i feel so inadequit to be where i am, serving this patient population with such talented people. truly the Lord has provided me with this opportunity and place of service to display His mighty strength through my immense weakness!


i've had a lot of ish i've been dealing with this week as well. for starters, my gammy ended up in the hospital for three nights and then needed a pacemaker. my mom is having surgery on monday. these are just a couple of things, but my heart is heavy with a few others.


this song came on my ipod today and i hadn't listend to it in almost a year. now, i can't stop listening to it! i was blown away by the rich lyrics. Jesus, you are wonderful!

how sweet the stream, unfailing grace, it sactifies my soul

this steady peace shall never cease to fill that fateful hole.

lead me to the banks of life and let me drink and stay

as the deer is panting near, Lord help me find a way.

what violent waves of timid faith sow seeds of doubt and fear

i call to Christ who takes my hand, He always draws me near.

He leads me to the bank of life and lets me drink and stay,

and as the deer is panting near, Lord help me do the same.

return me to the river deep, the purest fount i know.

His glory stands, his gentle hand shall never let me go.

over-due update

that title is kind of a lie. this won't be much of an update, but here's what i got

• i finished my last day of work with the city of san mateo on august 6th after nine years of being an employee.
• i went to socal that monday through wednesday. i hung out with lots of amazing people. a blog will be headed your way eventually with more details about it.
• my bridesmaid dress came in. let's not lie, tool and pockets are amazing
• my mom is having surgery in less than a week. and then at the beginning of this coming year, she'll be laid off. so my parents are SERIOUSLY considering moving and renting us the house. whoa.
• i went on another mini-holiday with a "random" group of friends on the weekend. we camped in pacific at a friend's house, talked about sea kayaking, hung out with a nepali, and had a basically amazing time.
• my sister's computer is also void of wireless capability, so internet access is not too often. if something is going on in your life that you've blogged about, please forgive me for not commenting or dropping a line.
• i started a full-tim job as an rn yesterday. i am overwhelmed with information and gratitude to the Father! i also found out that one of my co-workers is a believer-PTL!

other than this, life has been same-same. i feel like i'm sinking, though. there is so much going on, that i feel like i can't get my feet steady. praise God for His faithfulness; this morning i read psalm 69, (it's kinda long, so i'm just putting the parts that stuck out to me, but you should for sure read it!):

Save me, O God!

For the waters have come up to my neck.

I sink in deep mire,

where there is no foothold;

I have come into deep waters,

and the flood sweeps over me.

I am weary with my crying out;

my throat is parched.

My eyes grow dim

with waiting for my God.

O God, you know my folly;

the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.

For it is for your sake that I have borne reproach,

that dishonor has covered my face.

But as for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD.

At an acceptable time, O God,

in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness.

Deliver me from sinking in the mire;

let me be delivered from my enemies

and from the deep waters.

Let not the flood sweep over me,

or the deep swallow me up,

or the pit close its mouth over me.

Answer me, O LORD, for your steadfast love is good;

according to your abundant mercy, turn to me.

Hide not your face from your servant;

for I am in distress; make haste to answer me.

Draw near to my soul, redeem me;

But I am afflicted and in pain;

let your salvation, O God, set me on high!

I willpraise the name of God with a song;

I will magnify him with thanksgiving.

Let heaven and earth praise him,

the seas and everything that moves in them.

hot mess

for the past five summers, i've had some sort of illness or injury. they are always random and ridiculous, but somehow they seem to happen!

2005:
i worked at hume lake. it was a great summer, until i got the noro-virus and puked for about 12 hours straight. later that summer, i was also (aparently) exposed to whooping cough. my fellow fro-so workers and i had to take a lot of erythromycin, causing severe abdominal distress. good times.

2006:
i worked at the pool again. one day, i was so hot and tired after work, i fell asleep on our tiled dinning room floor. i ended up at the urgent care cause i could shake this tiredness and a cough. i had my first x-ray. diagnosis: pneumonia. pneumonia??? in the summer?! yep. community acquire pneumonia. i was out the rest of the summer.

2007:
once again, i found myself working at the pool. this year, i seniored and had to close most nights. this meant placing pool covers on both pools. while my staff usually  helped with the small pool, they weren't around the help with the large pool. one night, the coach of the team that was using our pool and i were putting on the covers. it gets kinda wet and i had new flip flops on, so i naturally fell on my wrist and tried to stop the advancing pool covers from killing me with the other. i ended up in the urgent care the next day. diagnosis: sprain.

2008:
and again, i was working at the pool. this summer was great because i didn't have to be down at cbu for student leader training and i had just spent two months in south asia. towards the end of the summer, i ended up in the urgent care. diagnosis: aerobic infection probably caused by a furuncle or carbuncle (aka really unpleasant). i had to pack the wound and be on two rounds of antibiotics. so attractive!

2009:
if you guessed that i worked at the pool this time, you'd be wrong. i worked for a little ole' jewish lady who followed a non denominational diet. although my job only required me to do minor lifting and household duties, i ended up moving her matress, scrubing walls, vaccuuming every other day, and dusting her prized collection of paintings. about two weeks into the job, i had severe pain in my right wrist. diagnosis: carpal tunel. diagnosis: tendonitis with bursitis. diagnosis: ganglion cyst. thankfully, the last diagnosis was the truth, but that bad boy has been with me ever since.


2010:
i am titch skeptical about writing anything here yet. so much could happen still. but this is what has happened. i was trying to fix some pool covers because they had gotten twisted by the wind. a co-worker and i almost had it when another gust of wind sent the pool covers and the crank that i was holding onto flying. the crank flew right into my right hand (three times) before landing on my foot. after being asked if i needed to fill out workmen's comp and begging never to see that paperwork again, i went home. two weeks later, cyst free! the crank had landed on my cyst, finally rupturing the balloon like sack.



anyway, i thought these were hillarious stories. not sure if you will, but it's proof enough that i am one hot mess.

motto of Sisters of the Common Life

this is the motto/vow amy carmichael and other women, both foreign and national, took.  from a chance to die (pp. 241-242):

My vow.

whatsoever Thou sayest unto me, by Thy grace I will do it.

My constraint.

Thy love, O Christ, my Lord.

My Confidence.

Thou art able to keep that which I have committed unto Thee.

My Joy.

To do Thy will, O God.

My Discipline.

That which I would not choose, but which Thy love appoints.

My Prayer.

Conform my will to Thine.

My Motto.

Love to live, live to love.

My Portion.

The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance.

Teach us, good Lord, to serve Thee as Thou deservest; to give and not to count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to seek for rest; to labor and not to ask for any reqard save that of knowing that we do Thy will, O Lord our God.

who needs resolved statements when you could have this?!