eustace scrubb

"There once was a boy named eustace clarence scrubb. 

And he almost deserved it."

this is the opening to my favorite narnia book, and potentially my favorite c.s. lewis work. voyage of the dawn treader is an amazing tale of adventure and redemption. over the past eight months and eight days, i've felt more like eustace than i ever have before.

eustace is a spoiled child, expecting everything to go according to his own controlling plan. this is me. i make seemingly amazing plans, but they rarely work out the way i anticipate. the "curve ball" of life happens (aka Jesus) and i seem to be at a loss. but those plans are always better than i could have thought.

in the last 3 months, i think that i am most like eustace on the island where there is vast treasure. he sees these wonders and riches before him, and cannot resist in taking as much as he can. this has been me. i've such riches and blessings put before me, and all i want is more. my thinking was distorted by what i perceived and thought whole-heartedly to be good and right. 

but just as it was not right or good for eustace, it has not been good for me. in fact, it has caused much distortion of who i am. i have become this dragon, this being so unlike the one i used to be. where is my focused devotion to the Lord? where is my desire to serve Him, His people, and the lost? why have my desires of the past been so altered? 

but the exciting part is that eustace does not 

stay in dragon form for the rest of his life.

eustace meets aslan.

 

through his encounter with aslan, he is changed. the process is painful, but the old, scaly shell is stripped away, leaving a new, fresh self. this is the stage i find myself. i have built up scales and hardness with my apathy and striving for things without focus on the Lord. these callouses must-and i mean must-be stripped from me. and so i dwell in the presence of the Almighty, my Abba and King, and pray for renewed devotion and love in Him. i beg to be restored, no matter how painful this process will continue to be.

i know that this way is better. i know that God is faithful and that He loves me. so in this i rest as emotion and spiritual reshaping take root. praise Him!