today i watched born into brothels. oh how my heart longs to be back in india! i miss the smell of incense and trash, the noise of the honking horns all of the time, and even the crazy heat. i miss the chance to learn a language so different from my own. actually i miss just being a learning in the flow of life rather than as a necessity and something that i pay for.
i can't even explain what goes on inside of me when i think of india; excitement, love, extreme sadness, fear. how can all of these be rolled into one and associated with such joy? most days i would rather be living there, no matter how many hardships and times of loneliness await. i hope it's because i know the glory of God is ultimate and making His name known will ultimately be greater; maybe i just want a life that i want.
i know that school is a blessing and i should be grateful for the opportunity to have an education, but some days, in fact most days lately, i hate school. i don't know if it's because my mind is consumed in other things, but all i can think about is the future-this summer, next semester, but the best thoughts come when my mind is on post-grad with loans paid, living in india and bringing basic nursing care to the people and loving the Almighty! oh, God, can i go now?