Thursday, March 5, 2009

this is one of those emo blogs.

i know i don't handle stress well. today has been "one of those days," but i don't want to complain about it. i'm more mad at myself than anything because i wasn't looking for God during any part of it. i hate when i focus on myself.

i go home tomorrow. i have a lot of homework to do. i don't think anyone has stepped up on my group project, creating another area of tension. sometimes i really don't like the technicalities my job. i said "yes" to too many little things and am going to have to back out, weakening already weak relationships. most days i miss community.

most people think i'm crazy for going home right before break. oh, i think i'm crazy too, don't worry. i blogged previously about the death of my dad's friend ray. i'm still confused and deeply grieved about the situation. saturday my family will attend this "gathering" for him. i guess my sister was talking with his widow, (so weird to call her that....), and she said she was glad i was coming. AHH! what the crap am i supposed to say!!??! "i'm sorry your husband is dead and is in hell suffering under the wrath of the Almighty God. i'll be praying for you." ok, i know that's NOT what i'm supposed to say, but i know i can't shy away from the truth.

i don't like blogging so much and about the same thing (unless it's india....), but i really, selfishly, ask for your prayers this weekend. pray that i would trust God, that i would seek His face and rely on Him to provide words. pray that my sister, mom, and i would shine so brightly for Christ amidst darkness. pray that we would be able to bring comfort through Christ.

i need to go to sleep, but i just want to cry.

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