Tuesday, July 20, 2010

pride comes before...

during my eight hours of driving this weekend, i listened to a lot of music. one of these songs was "home" by phil wickham. one of the verses goes like this:

When I saw you I was ashamed
You were pure and I was stained
But You ran to me and You called my name
There were tears of joy upon Your face

 i was immediately reminded of luke 15 where there are three parables in a row, all exclaiming the love the Father has for those things precious to Him that have gone away, but have eventually returned. my favorite story is that of a father and son. it goes like this:

And [Jesus] said, "There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.' And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
 "But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants."' And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate.
(vv 11-24)
i don't mean to take this description out of context, but here's what i've been thinking in regards to it.

that's me. i am a richly and incredibly blessed child of God, the perfect Father. He gives me much, yet i squander my wealth on things of this world. i know God will except me back with loving, joyful arms.

but i don't wanna. i don't want to run to Him. i mean, i do, but i don't want to give up what i have now. i'm still in this place of pride, still squandering what i too often think is mine. i pray that i come to the place where i exlaim, "i will arise and go to my Father," and then do it.

please, don't misunderstand. i'm not living this extreme "double-life," if you will. but my heart, mind, soul, and strength are not soley focused on God. i am not running a focused race. i am content to seek and live half-heartedly.

and this, my friends, is wrong.

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